Kathryn Roethel wrote an article about Fred Luskin and Carol Pertofsky, professors at Stanford University who teach tranquility in a class on how to be happy. There are consistently more applicants than spaces – that caught my attention. They began offering the course in 2007 after 4 students committed suicide the previous year. They found that most answers to the problem targeted those people who were already courting disaster. They wanted to come at the problem from a prevention perspective; one that avoided crisis and catastrophe.
One important message the instructors hope to convey is that racking up accomplishments won't necessarily lead to fulfillment, writes Roethel.
"Achieving the most for yourself doesn't lead to the kind of happiness you think it will," Luskin told a student who questioned how she could reconcile her desire for a balanced life with the expectations that, at Stanford, you need to be "the best."
He added that people who are in the best position for happiness are the ones who have strong relationships, and "interconnected webs" of people on whom they can depend for fun and support.
An expectation of happiness on campus, Pertofsky said, can make it even more painful for struggling students who feel as if they're the only ones who aren't thriving.
"In this culture of excellence, it takes a lot to admit when you're hurting," she said.
Luskin’s simple definition of happiness is “wanting what you have” and stress is “wanting something to be different.”
Below are five techniques Luskin teaches for reducing stress and increasing happiness.
-- Keep a daily gratitude journal, listing items for which you feel grateful.
-- Perform a meditation practice, or simply a few minutes of deep breathing and quiet reflection on something that made you happy. Consider what you can do to achieve that happiness again.
-- Make a habit of sharing the highlights of your day with someone close to you.
-- Practice forgiveness routinely.
-- Construct a list of all activities and experiences that relax and rejuvenate you. Use items from this list to manage your daily stress.
This week think about your state of happiness. Rate it on a scale of 1-10.
What is your definition of happiness?
How are your expectations creating obstacles to your happiness?
Who is your happiness person/people? Tell them so. Spend some time.
It takes a lot to admit you’re hurting…ask for what you need. Speak the truth in love.
Please share your thoughts, practices, challenges with us. Let’s make 2012 a year of greater happiness, contentment, love, faith, and giving. YES we CAN!
I would be honored to help you increase your happiness quotient. Call or e-mail at beth.madigan@cox.net or 602.626.8036
Blessings,
Beth
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
I KNOW There's Something More....
Last week I contracted with a new client – not so unusual in itself. The fun part was that she wasn’t really looking for a coach and wasn’t sure how her search led her to me. I call that God’s synchronicity in the world and it delights me every time!
She has chosen to enter coaching now because there is a sense that she is not living large enough. Sound familiar? She recently left her corporate job to pursue work that is “more aligned with my values. I want to help people.” She wonders if she is stretching herself in the ways that will most help her to grow. She is definitely feeling a sense of urgency – she has that “time’s a-wastin’” sensation.
“In case you haven’t noticed, there are an awful lot of forces out there striving to keep us in line. Living big means getting out of line. It means dancing the jig when others are waltzing. It means leaping out of the soul-numbing boxes we’ve been squeezed into. Living Big is being brave enough to claim your own truth, being bold enough to read the poem that is stamped across your heart. Out loud so everybody can hear. More than anything else in the world I want to live big. To claim my destiny. To make a difference.
Yes, there’s this insistent impostor who’s always trying to convince me I’m insignificant, that my ideas will never matter. But there’s also this other voice. And it knows better.” (LIVING BIG by Pam Grout)
If you have not journaled before, I urge you to get yourself a beautiful new journal and begin. There is power and clarity in putting your thoughts on paper. Things begin to take shape and HAPPEN!
Here are a few inquiries to pick from to get you started:
What’s one change you could make that would give you more peace?
What attachment do you need to release in order to be free to live BIG?
If you did what you’re thinking, what would it mean to you?
What do you want MORE/LESS of in your life? Make the list(s).
What would you try now if you knew you could NOT fail?
Every day, you are signaled and summoned to embark on a journey
beyond the boundaries of all you have ever known. You need
only relinquish your fears, open your heart, and begin.
- Bob Savino –
Say yes to that other voice – the one that knows better – the one that is calling you into MOTION.
Blessings,
Beth
She has chosen to enter coaching now because there is a sense that she is not living large enough. Sound familiar? She recently left her corporate job to pursue work that is “more aligned with my values. I want to help people.” She wonders if she is stretching herself in the ways that will most help her to grow. She is definitely feeling a sense of urgency – she has that “time’s a-wastin’” sensation.
“In case you haven’t noticed, there are an awful lot of forces out there striving to keep us in line. Living big means getting out of line. It means dancing the jig when others are waltzing. It means leaping out of the soul-numbing boxes we’ve been squeezed into. Living Big is being brave enough to claim your own truth, being bold enough to read the poem that is stamped across your heart. Out loud so everybody can hear. More than anything else in the world I want to live big. To claim my destiny. To make a difference.
Yes, there’s this insistent impostor who’s always trying to convince me I’m insignificant, that my ideas will never matter. But there’s also this other voice. And it knows better.” (LIVING BIG by Pam Grout)
If you have not journaled before, I urge you to get yourself a beautiful new journal and begin. There is power and clarity in putting your thoughts on paper. Things begin to take shape and HAPPEN!
Here are a few inquiries to pick from to get you started:
What’s one change you could make that would give you more peace?
What attachment do you need to release in order to be free to live BIG?
If you did what you’re thinking, what would it mean to you?
What do you want MORE/LESS of in your life? Make the list(s).
What would you try now if you knew you could NOT fail?
Every day, you are signaled and summoned to embark on a journey
beyond the boundaries of all you have ever known. You need
only relinquish your fears, open your heart, and begin.
- Bob Savino –
Say yes to that other voice – the one that knows better – the one that is calling you into MOTION.
Blessings,
Beth
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Standing Stones
In biblical times, when something important happened, the people erected standing stones at the site of the event. History was preserved by telling the story of the event to children and to travelers who saw the stones and asked, “What happened here?” Two well known examples include the stones erected by Moses at the foot of Mount Sinai to commemorate God’s power and covenant with His people, and those erected on the bank of the Jordan by Joshua after God divided the river for the Israelites to safely pass through. They expressed the people’s gratitude and promise to remember.
Today we celebrate Thanksgiving – a day to gather with family and friends and remember; a day to express our gratitude to each other and to God. My youngest daughter, Lindsey, has been with me for several months. She was a gift and a blessing as she nursed me back to health faithfully and sweetly. Saturday we spent our last day in the desert together. She has moved back to Chicago and into the next chapter of her life. We took one of our favorite outings to hike at 49th and Shea, then to the Prayer Garden run by the Evangelical Sisterhood of Mary. It was a glorious morning as we moved over the rocks among the cacti, under a beautiful fluffy blue sky, and surrounded by mountains. We stopped to take in the view and knew we wanted to mark this spot. We erected standing stones, each having been prompted to pick up a heart shaped rock for the top. What happened here? Relationship restored, love deepened, heartfelt gratitude expressed is what has happened here in the desert - definitely a place and time to remark and remember.
The Prayer Garden has a large and beautiful seven-sided fountain with each edge proclaiming the names of God and His loving qualities. There are drinking spigots at each name, with cups so you may refresh yourself with:
Father of Comfort
Father of Mercy
Father of Love
Father of Grace
Father of Patience
Father of Faithfulness
Father of Goodness
So much to be grateful for…and I am.
Today, be sure to take some time to get quiet and count your blessings. What events warrant standing stones in your life? If you can get to the actual site, go ahead and set up some stones and express your gratitude. If that is not possible, do it in your own backyard – or perhaps you would just do it in your heart or in your journal. The point is to tell the story – to remember – and to be thankful.
Blessed Thanksgiving,
Beth
Today we celebrate Thanksgiving – a day to gather with family and friends and remember; a day to express our gratitude to each other and to God. My youngest daughter, Lindsey, has been with me for several months. She was a gift and a blessing as she nursed me back to health faithfully and sweetly. Saturday we spent our last day in the desert together. She has moved back to Chicago and into the next chapter of her life. We took one of our favorite outings to hike at 49th and Shea, then to the Prayer Garden run by the Evangelical Sisterhood of Mary. It was a glorious morning as we moved over the rocks among the cacti, under a beautiful fluffy blue sky, and surrounded by mountains. We stopped to take in the view and knew we wanted to mark this spot. We erected standing stones, each having been prompted to pick up a heart shaped rock for the top. What happened here? Relationship restored, love deepened, heartfelt gratitude expressed is what has happened here in the desert - definitely a place and time to remark and remember.
The Prayer Garden has a large and beautiful seven-sided fountain with each edge proclaiming the names of God and His loving qualities. There are drinking spigots at each name, with cups so you may refresh yourself with:
Father of Comfort
Father of Mercy
Father of Love
Father of Grace
Father of Patience
Father of Faithfulness
Father of Goodness
So much to be grateful for…and I am.
Today, be sure to take some time to get quiet and count your blessings. What events warrant standing stones in your life? If you can get to the actual site, go ahead and set up some stones and express your gratitude. If that is not possible, do it in your own backyard – or perhaps you would just do it in your heart or in your journal. The point is to tell the story – to remember – and to be thankful.
Blessed Thanksgiving,
Beth
Monday, November 21, 2011
I AM a Rock Star!
I started boot camp – at the urging of, and accompanied by, my youngest daughter. For those in Phoenix it is Rock Star Boot Camp and I highly recommend it!
Is it hard, you ask? Oh my! You bet it is! On this path to becoming stronger, healthier, lighter, and more focused, boot camp is a great boost. I am certainly one of the older people in the group but I love the range. There is a woman in her late 60’s in pretty tough shape, but she pushes hard every day. There is a dad with his middle school, overweight son. Let me just say how much I love that. They are having fun together and doing something critical to health and well being for both of them. Any time I see dads actively and lovingly engaged with their children my heart sings! But I digress. The group is largely 20’s, 30’s, and 40’s in varying states of fitness.
In my 30’s I was a hard body. I played competitive tennis, had a personal trainer, did 2 yoga classes a week, and aerobics every morning before the kids left for school. In my 40s I got divorced and things started to slide a little. In my 50’s I moved cross country and exercised more regularly. Along came menopause and I found out the hard way that I couldn’t eat the way I used to. I had to lose 50 pounds before it was all said and done. Then came months of serious illness and almost no exercise at all apart from the occasional walk. Some of those pounds had found their way home and, like rebellious children, refused to follow the rules or leave.
Here’s the GOOD news, and part of my learning. My body remembers. My muscles are tired and sore but they can still perform! My brain is remembering. What I am thinking and remembering is that I WANT to be fit again. I WANT to restore my health. I WANT to challenge and push myself. Cool! The truth is that I didn’t really know that last part until the third day. It has gone from being a difficult chore to an exhilarating discovery! I have learned that it is never too late to begin again. It is okay to start wherever you are.
Take care of yourself – and be KIND to yourself. By all means push the old envelope, but do it without judgment or criticism or regret. What is in your life that you wish you had not given up on? That you want to recapture? What will you do TODAY to move in that direction? What support do you need to get going? Who can you enlist to help? My daughter’s encouragement is invaluable – I would not have signed up for this without her. Let’s help each other get what we need to answer the voice calling us into MOTION.
Laus Deo,
Beth
Is it hard, you ask? Oh my! You bet it is! On this path to becoming stronger, healthier, lighter, and more focused, boot camp is a great boost. I am certainly one of the older people in the group but I love the range. There is a woman in her late 60’s in pretty tough shape, but she pushes hard every day. There is a dad with his middle school, overweight son. Let me just say how much I love that. They are having fun together and doing something critical to health and well being for both of them. Any time I see dads actively and lovingly engaged with their children my heart sings! But I digress. The group is largely 20’s, 30’s, and 40’s in varying states of fitness.
In my 30’s I was a hard body. I played competitive tennis, had a personal trainer, did 2 yoga classes a week, and aerobics every morning before the kids left for school. In my 40s I got divorced and things started to slide a little. In my 50’s I moved cross country and exercised more regularly. Along came menopause and I found out the hard way that I couldn’t eat the way I used to. I had to lose 50 pounds before it was all said and done. Then came months of serious illness and almost no exercise at all apart from the occasional walk. Some of those pounds had found their way home and, like rebellious children, refused to follow the rules or leave.
Here’s the GOOD news, and part of my learning. My body remembers. My muscles are tired and sore but they can still perform! My brain is remembering. What I am thinking and remembering is that I WANT to be fit again. I WANT to restore my health. I WANT to challenge and push myself. Cool! The truth is that I didn’t really know that last part until the third day. It has gone from being a difficult chore to an exhilarating discovery! I have learned that it is never too late to begin again. It is okay to start wherever you are.
Take care of yourself – and be KIND to yourself. By all means push the old envelope, but do it without judgment or criticism or regret. What is in your life that you wish you had not given up on? That you want to recapture? What will you do TODAY to move in that direction? What support do you need to get going? Who can you enlist to help? My daughter’s encouragement is invaluable – I would not have signed up for this without her. Let’s help each other get what we need to answer the voice calling us into MOTION.
Laus Deo,
Beth
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Take Good Care
As a life coach I work with women in transition – whatever that may be. Career change, empty-nester, new child, marriage, divorce, aging parents, moving, death of a loved one, broken relationships, health changes… The reasons for transition are as many and varied as we are!
I have personally experienced all of the above, but the last one really kicked my tail. I was diagnosed with a hereditary kidney disease when I was thirty. While not a good thing, it is not life threatening, requiring lots of water and regular check-ups. When I moved to the desert 6 years ago I was at my lowest weight in years, felt great, and could be outside every day of the year. I did not find myself a new nephrologist…
In the spring I started to feel crummy and my waistline expanded crazily. Both kidneys were in trouble, and I had a 10cm (baby head size!) ovarian cyst. I went under general anesthetic three times in four weeks. I don’t have scientific evidence for this but I am pretty sure that alone could kill you.
It is now six months later and I am amazed at where this path has taken me and what I have learned – and continue to learn. From time to time, as it unfolds, I will share with you my journey. I hope you will share yours too, whenever something resonates with you. I have often said that, no matter how wonderful your relationships with the men in your life may be, intimacy with other women provides something you can get nowhere else. My hope and intention are to make this blog a safe and open place for us to share, listen, encourage, and lift each other.
To that end I will leave you with this…TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES. I know you are givers, lovers, wildly generous, and self-sacrificing. Those are wonderful traits. Learn to balance them. If you crash and burn what will happen in all those areas where you are last in line? I know. I know. I hear you saying, How do I find the time, the money? What in the world does it even mean to really take care of myself? We will explore that too. For now, just take 10 minutes to get quiet somewhere (maybe in a hot bath, or at the park) in the next couple of days and think about what that would look like – physically, spiritually, emotionally, or psychologically - then come on back and let us know what came up for you.
Laus Deo,
Beth
I have personally experienced all of the above, but the last one really kicked my tail. I was diagnosed with a hereditary kidney disease when I was thirty. While not a good thing, it is not life threatening, requiring lots of water and regular check-ups. When I moved to the desert 6 years ago I was at my lowest weight in years, felt great, and could be outside every day of the year. I did not find myself a new nephrologist…
In the spring I started to feel crummy and my waistline expanded crazily. Both kidneys were in trouble, and I had a 10cm (baby head size!) ovarian cyst. I went under general anesthetic three times in four weeks. I don’t have scientific evidence for this but I am pretty sure that alone could kill you.
It is now six months later and I am amazed at where this path has taken me and what I have learned – and continue to learn. From time to time, as it unfolds, I will share with you my journey. I hope you will share yours too, whenever something resonates with you. I have often said that, no matter how wonderful your relationships with the men in your life may be, intimacy with other women provides something you can get nowhere else. My hope and intention are to make this blog a safe and open place for us to share, listen, encourage, and lift each other.
To that end I will leave you with this…TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES. I know you are givers, lovers, wildly generous, and self-sacrificing. Those are wonderful traits. Learn to balance them. If you crash and burn what will happen in all those areas where you are last in line? I know. I know. I hear you saying, How do I find the time, the money? What in the world does it even mean to really take care of myself? We will explore that too. For now, just take 10 minutes to get quiet somewhere (maybe in a hot bath, or at the park) in the next couple of days and think about what that would look like – physically, spiritually, emotionally, or psychologically - then come on back and let us know what came up for you.
Laus Deo,
Beth
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Coming Around Again
Hello! It is good to be back with so many old friends. I have missed you all. I have missed writing to you, about you, and for you. I have missed, most of all, your responses and your openness in sharing yourselves with me. I look forward to all the new friends who will find their way here.
If you look to the right you will read how much I love new beginnings. We are embarking on one together here and now. For those of you who read the newsletters and blogs in the past, you remember me saying that I felt a significant shift coming. It's here... it is happening! We will travel the road together - I know many of you are completely in sync with me as you read this....right?
I also wrote to you, in the final newsletter, of some health issues. I was a pretty sick puppy all summer and have been making some HARD diet and exercise changes. As is God's way, blessings are raining down in the midst of the trials. I am stronger and cleaner than I have been in many years. I am learning, learning. Over the summer I learned about the power of relationship, restoration, and renewal. I learned about essential oils (more on that later - fascinating!),the true value of good health, and got much deeper with God. He is teaching, teaching. I am a Christian. My relationship with God through Christ is the most important thing to me and about me. I will not use this space to preach - yet, we will go to the heart of the matter in all things. If that resonates with you; if you are feeling the call to motion; if you want to be in community with other AMAZING, SEARCHING, TRUTH-TELLING, COURAGEOUS women, then come on along!
Blessings,
Beth
If you look to the right you will read how much I love new beginnings. We are embarking on one together here and now. For those of you who read the newsletters and blogs in the past, you remember me saying that I felt a significant shift coming. It's here... it is happening! We will travel the road together - I know many of you are completely in sync with me as you read this....right?
I also wrote to you, in the final newsletter, of some health issues. I was a pretty sick puppy all summer and have been making some HARD diet and exercise changes. As is God's way, blessings are raining down in the midst of the trials. I am stronger and cleaner than I have been in many years. I am learning, learning. Over the summer I learned about the power of relationship, restoration, and renewal. I learned about essential oils (more on that later - fascinating!),the true value of good health, and got much deeper with God. He is teaching, teaching. I am a Christian. My relationship with God through Christ is the most important thing to me and about me. I will not use this space to preach - yet, we will go to the heart of the matter in all things. If that resonates with you; if you are feeling the call to motion; if you want to be in community with other AMAZING, SEARCHING, TRUTH-TELLING, COURAGEOUS women, then come on along!
Blessings,
Beth
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