Allow me to deviate from a coaching focus today. I heard this and was so disturbed I had to share it with you. This bioethical debate goes far beyond pro-choice or pro-life, or discussions of when life actually begins. This is a crucial question of the value and sanctity of life and how we will respond as a society to quality of life issues and who makes those decisions. Please take a few minutes to watch and comment.
http://www.glennbeck.com/content/blog/show/is-it-morally-wrong-to-take-a-life-yes/
Blessings,
Beth
Monday, January 30, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
What is in Your Hand?
“And Moses answered and said, But, behold, they will not believe me, nor hearken unto my voice: for they will say, The LORD hath not appeared unto thee. And the LORD said unto him, What is that in thine hand? And he said, A rod. And he said, Cast it on the ground. And he cast it on the ground, and it became a serpent; and Moses fled from before it. And the LORD said unto Moses, Put forth thine hand, and take it by the tail. And he put forth his hand, and caught it, and it became a rod in his hand:” Exodus 4:1~4
Moses held an ordinary stick, but in the hands of God it was transformed. So often, we are blind to what we have in our hands. We minimize our giftedness. We wait for the "big" something we are on the earth to do. That "thing" is right in front of us. See a need and fill it. See a hurt and heal it. Isn't that why this picture touches us so deeply? It is so simple. It required no deep thought, no conversation, no amazing skill or intellect, and almost no resources. Yet, for that young woman it was life changing. She could walk in comfort without her feet burning or being injured, sure. But she felt the love of God through another human being; in a simple act of kindness and generosity that spoke untold volumes. Not an exaggeration - a life was changed. Or was it TWO lives?
In Ecclesiastes we read, whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might. What is in your possession - right now - that speaks to you of the DEEP meaning of your life? Go and give it away. It is right in front of you...
Laus Deo,
Beth
p.s. I would be honored to explore what is in your hands with you. Call or email me.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
DON'T Lower Your Cholesterol!
This is an article that shocked me - from Mark Hyman MD, recently seen on Dr. Oz.
If you are a post-menopausal women with high cholesterol, your doctor will almost certainly recommend cholesterol lowering medication or statins. And it just might kill you. A new study in the Archives of Internal Medicine [2] found that statins increase the risk of getting diabetes by 71 percent in post-menopausal women. Since diabetes is a major cause of heart disease, this study calls into question current recommendations and guidelines from most professional medical associations and physicians. The recommendation for women to take statins to prevent heart attacks (called primary prevention) may do more harm than good.
Statins have been proven to prevent second heart attacks, but not first heart attacks.
Take it if you already have had one, but beware if your doctor recommends it for you if have never had a heart attack.
This current study adds to an increasing body of literature questioning the benefits of statins, while highlighting their potential risks.
New Study Shows 48 Percent Risk of Diabetes in Women Who Take Statins
This study examined the data from the large government sponsored study called the Women’s Health Initiative, the same study that disabused us of the idea that Premarin prevented heart attacks in postmenopausal women.
In fact, based on this randomized controlled trial, estrogen replacement therapy, once considered the gold standard of medical care for the prevention of heart disease, was relegated to the trash bin of history joining medicine’s many other fallen heroes including DES, Thalidomide, Vioxx, Avandia, and more.
In this new study researchers reviewed the effect of statin prescriptions in a group of 153,840 women without diabetes and with an average age of 63.2 years. About 7 percent of women reported taking statin medication between 1993 and 1996. Today there are many, many more women taking statin medications, thus many more are at risk from harm from statins.
During the 3-year period of the study, 10,242 new cases were reported – a whopping 71 percent increase in risk from women who didn’t take statins. This association stayed strong at a 48 percent increased risk of getting diabetes, even after taking into account age, race/ethnicity, and weight or body mass index. These increases in disease risk were consistent for all statins on the market.
This effect also occurred in those with and without heart disease. Surprisingly disease risk was worse in thin women. Minority women were also disproportionately affected. The risk of diabetes was 49 percent for white women, 57 percent for Hispanic women, and 78 percent for Asian women.
But in a typical “my mind’s made up, don’t confuse me with the facts” statement by the medical establishment, the researchers said we should not change our guidelines for statin use for the primary prevention of heart disease.
In a large meta-analysis published in the Lancet last year, scientists found that statins increased the risk of diabetes by 9 percent. If current guidelines were followed for those who should take statins, and people actually took them (thank God only 50 percent of prescriptions are ever filled by patients), there would be 3 million more diabetics in America. Oops.
Other studies have recently called into question the belief that high cholesterol levels increase your risk of heart disease as you get older. For those over 85 it turns out having high cholesterol will protect you from dying from a heart attack, and, in fact, from death from any cause.
Low Cholesterol May Kill You
A recent study showed that in healthy older persons, high cholesterol levels were associated with lower non-cardiovascular-related mortality. This is extremely concerning because millions of prescriptions are written every day to lower cholesterol in the older population, yet no association has been found between higher cholesterol and heart disease deaths for those aged 55 to 84; and for those over 85, the association seems to be inverse — higher cholesterol predicts lower risk of death from heart disease.
The pharmaceutical industry, medical associations, and academic researchers whose budgets are provided by grants from the pharmaceutical industry continue to preach the wonders of statins, but studies like these should have us look good and hard at our current practices. Are we doing more harm than good?
Cardiologists recommend putting statins in the water and giving them out at fast food restaurants and having them available over the counter. They believe in driving cholesterol as low as possible. Statin prescriptions are handed out with religious fervor, but do they work to prevent heart attacks and death if you haven’t had a heart attack already?
Bottom line: NO! If you want to learn why this is true, read on.
Statins Don’t Work to Prevent First Heart Attacks
Recently, the Cochrane Group did a review of all the major statin studies by an international group of independent scientists. The review failed to show benefit in using statins to prevent heart attacks and death. In addition, many other studies support this and point out the frequent and significant side effects that come with taking these drugs. [i] [3] If scientists found that drinking two glasses of water in the morning prevented heart attacks, even if the evidence was weak, we would jump on board. Big up side, no down side.
But this is not the case with statins. These drugs frequently cause muscle damage, muscle cramps, muscle weakness, muscle aches, exercise intolerance[ii] [4] (even in the absence of pain and elevated CPK – a muscle enzyme), sexual dysfunction, liver and nerve damage and other problems in 10-15 percent of patients who take them.[iii] [5] They can also cause significant cellular, muscle, and nerve injury as well as cell death in the ABSENCE of symptoms.[iv] [6]
There is no lack of research calling into question the benefits of statins. Unfortunately, that research doesn’t get the benefit of billions of dollars of marketing and advertising that statins do. One big trial was touted as proving statins work to prevent heart attacks, but the devil is in the details.
It was the JUPITER[v] [7] trial that showed that lowering LDL (or bad cholesterol) without a reduction in inflammation (measured by C-reactive protein) didn’t prevent heart attacks or death.[vi] [8] Statins happen to reduce inflammation so the study has been touted as proof of the effectiveness of these medications. Mind you it wasn’t lowering the cholesterol that helped (which is the intended purpose of statins), but the fact that they lower inflammation. What is ignored by people who use this study to “prove” that statins work is the fact that there are so many better ways to lower inflammation than taking these drugs.
Yet other studies have shown no proven benefit for statins in healthy women[vii] [9] with high cholesterol or in anyone over 69 years old. [viii] [10] Some studies even show that aggressive lowering of cholesterol can cause MORE heart disease. The ENHANCE trial showed that aggressive cholesterol treatment with two medications (Zocor and Zetia) lowered cholesterol much more than one drug alone, but led to more arterial plaque and no fewer heart attacks.[ix] [11]
Other research calls into question our focus on LDL or the bad cholesterol. We focus on it because we have good drugs to lower it, but it may not be the real problem. The real problem is low HDL that is caused by insulin resistance (diabesity) [12].
In fact studies show that if you lower the bad (LDL) cholesterol in people with low HDL (good cholesterol) that is a marker of diabesity – the continuum of obesity, prediabetes and diabetes — there’s no benefit.[x] [13]
Most people simply ignore the fact that 50-75 percent of people who have heart attacks have normal cholesterol.[xi] [14] The Honolulu Heart Study showed older patients with lower cholesterol have higher risks of death than those with higher cholesterol.[xii] [15]
Some patients with multiple risk factors, or who have had previous heart attacks do benefit, but when you look closely the results are underwhelming. It’s all in how you spin the numbers. For high-risk males (those who are overweight and have high blood pressure, diabetes, and/or a family history of heart attacks) and are younger than 69 there is some evidence of benefit, but one hundred men would need to be treated to prevent just one heart attack.
That means that 99/100 men who take the drug receive no benefit. Drug ads say the risk is reduced by 33 percent. Sounds good, but that just means the risk of getting a heart attack goes down from 3 percent to 2 percent.
Despite the extensive data showing that statins are a questionable therapy at best, they are still the number one selling drug in the US. What isn’t so well known is that 75 percent of statin prescriptions are written for people who will receive no proven benefit. The cost of these prescriptions? Over $20 billion a year.
Yet somehow the 2004 National Cholesterol Education Program guidelines expanded the previous guidelines to recommend that even more people without heart disease take statins (from 13 million to 40 million)[xiii] [16] What are we thinking?
Why would respected scientists go against the overwhelming research that statins don’t prevent heart disease in people who haven’t already had a heart attack?
You can find the answer if you follow the money. Eight of the nine experts on the panel who developed these guidelines had financial ties to the drug industry. Thirty-four other non-industry affiliated experts sent a petition to protest the recommendations to the National Institutes of Health saying the evidence was weak.
What Should Women Do?
It is time to push the sacred cow of statins overboard.
But first let me say this. If you have had a heart attack, or have heart disease, the evidence shows they do in fact help protect against a second heart attack, so keep taking them.
However, you should be aware that most prescriptions for statins are given to healthy people whose cholesterol is a little high. For these folks the risk clearly outweighs the benefit.
The editorial that accompanies the recent study on women taking cholesterol-lowering medication that I opened this article with was quite clear. Dr. Kirsten Johansen from the University of California, San Francisco said that the increased risk of diabetes in women without heart disease has “important implications for the balance of risk and benefit of statins in the setting of primary prevention in which previous meta-analyses show no benefit on all-cause mortality.”
In plain English, she said that we shouldn’t be using statin drugs for women without heart disease because:
The evidence shows they don’t work to prevent heart attacks if you never had one.
They significantly increase the risk of diabetes.
Treating risk factors like high cholesterol is misguided. We must treat causes – what we eat, how much we exercise, how we handle stress, our social connections and environmental toxins are all more powerfully linked to creating health and preventing disease than any drug on the market.
Remember what you put at the end of your fork is more powerful than anything you will ever find at the bottom of a pill bottle.
My new book The Blood Sugar Solution, which comes out at the end of February, gives exact details on what you should put at the end of your fork to prevent and reverse diabesity. It provides a comprehensive solution to the health problems facing our nation today.
To your good health,
Mark Hyman, MD
If you are a post-menopausal women with high cholesterol, your doctor will almost certainly recommend cholesterol lowering medication or statins. And it just might kill you. A new study in the Archives of Internal Medicine [2] found that statins increase the risk of getting diabetes by 71 percent in post-menopausal women. Since diabetes is a major cause of heart disease, this study calls into question current recommendations and guidelines from most professional medical associations and physicians. The recommendation for women to take statins to prevent heart attacks (called primary prevention) may do more harm than good.
Statins have been proven to prevent second heart attacks, but not first heart attacks.
Take it if you already have had one, but beware if your doctor recommends it for you if have never had a heart attack.
This current study adds to an increasing body of literature questioning the benefits of statins, while highlighting their potential risks.
New Study Shows 48 Percent Risk of Diabetes in Women Who Take Statins
This study examined the data from the large government sponsored study called the Women’s Health Initiative, the same study that disabused us of the idea that Premarin prevented heart attacks in postmenopausal women.
In fact, based on this randomized controlled trial, estrogen replacement therapy, once considered the gold standard of medical care for the prevention of heart disease, was relegated to the trash bin of history joining medicine’s many other fallen heroes including DES, Thalidomide, Vioxx, Avandia, and more.
In this new study researchers reviewed the effect of statin prescriptions in a group of 153,840 women without diabetes and with an average age of 63.2 years. About 7 percent of women reported taking statin medication between 1993 and 1996. Today there are many, many more women taking statin medications, thus many more are at risk from harm from statins.
During the 3-year period of the study, 10,242 new cases were reported – a whopping 71 percent increase in risk from women who didn’t take statins. This association stayed strong at a 48 percent increased risk of getting diabetes, even after taking into account age, race/ethnicity, and weight or body mass index. These increases in disease risk were consistent for all statins on the market.
This effect also occurred in those with and without heart disease. Surprisingly disease risk was worse in thin women. Minority women were also disproportionately affected. The risk of diabetes was 49 percent for white women, 57 percent for Hispanic women, and 78 percent for Asian women.
But in a typical “my mind’s made up, don’t confuse me with the facts” statement by the medical establishment, the researchers said we should not change our guidelines for statin use for the primary prevention of heart disease.
In a large meta-analysis published in the Lancet last year, scientists found that statins increased the risk of diabetes by 9 percent. If current guidelines were followed for those who should take statins, and people actually took them (thank God only 50 percent of prescriptions are ever filled by patients), there would be 3 million more diabetics in America. Oops.
Other studies have recently called into question the belief that high cholesterol levels increase your risk of heart disease as you get older. For those over 85 it turns out having high cholesterol will protect you from dying from a heart attack, and, in fact, from death from any cause.
Low Cholesterol May Kill You
A recent study showed that in healthy older persons, high cholesterol levels were associated with lower non-cardiovascular-related mortality. This is extremely concerning because millions of prescriptions are written every day to lower cholesterol in the older population, yet no association has been found between higher cholesterol and heart disease deaths for those aged 55 to 84; and for those over 85, the association seems to be inverse — higher cholesterol predicts lower risk of death from heart disease.
The pharmaceutical industry, medical associations, and academic researchers whose budgets are provided by grants from the pharmaceutical industry continue to preach the wonders of statins, but studies like these should have us look good and hard at our current practices. Are we doing more harm than good?
Cardiologists recommend putting statins in the water and giving them out at fast food restaurants and having them available over the counter. They believe in driving cholesterol as low as possible. Statin prescriptions are handed out with religious fervor, but do they work to prevent heart attacks and death if you haven’t had a heart attack already?
Bottom line: NO! If you want to learn why this is true, read on.
Statins Don’t Work to Prevent First Heart Attacks
Recently, the Cochrane Group did a review of all the major statin studies by an international group of independent scientists. The review failed to show benefit in using statins to prevent heart attacks and death. In addition, many other studies support this and point out the frequent and significant side effects that come with taking these drugs. [i] [3] If scientists found that drinking two glasses of water in the morning prevented heart attacks, even if the evidence was weak, we would jump on board. Big up side, no down side.
But this is not the case with statins. These drugs frequently cause muscle damage, muscle cramps, muscle weakness, muscle aches, exercise intolerance[ii] [4] (even in the absence of pain and elevated CPK – a muscle enzyme), sexual dysfunction, liver and nerve damage and other problems in 10-15 percent of patients who take them.[iii] [5] They can also cause significant cellular, muscle, and nerve injury as well as cell death in the ABSENCE of symptoms.[iv] [6]
There is no lack of research calling into question the benefits of statins. Unfortunately, that research doesn’t get the benefit of billions of dollars of marketing and advertising that statins do. One big trial was touted as proving statins work to prevent heart attacks, but the devil is in the details.
It was the JUPITER[v] [7] trial that showed that lowering LDL (or bad cholesterol) without a reduction in inflammation (measured by C-reactive protein) didn’t prevent heart attacks or death.[vi] [8] Statins happen to reduce inflammation so the study has been touted as proof of the effectiveness of these medications. Mind you it wasn’t lowering the cholesterol that helped (which is the intended purpose of statins), but the fact that they lower inflammation. What is ignored by people who use this study to “prove” that statins work is the fact that there are so many better ways to lower inflammation than taking these drugs.
Yet other studies have shown no proven benefit for statins in healthy women[vii] [9] with high cholesterol or in anyone over 69 years old. [viii] [10] Some studies even show that aggressive lowering of cholesterol can cause MORE heart disease. The ENHANCE trial showed that aggressive cholesterol treatment with two medications (Zocor and Zetia) lowered cholesterol much more than one drug alone, but led to more arterial plaque and no fewer heart attacks.[ix] [11]
Other research calls into question our focus on LDL or the bad cholesterol. We focus on it because we have good drugs to lower it, but it may not be the real problem. The real problem is low HDL that is caused by insulin resistance (diabesity) [12].
In fact studies show that if you lower the bad (LDL) cholesterol in people with low HDL (good cholesterol) that is a marker of diabesity – the continuum of obesity, prediabetes and diabetes — there’s no benefit.[x] [13]
Most people simply ignore the fact that 50-75 percent of people who have heart attacks have normal cholesterol.[xi] [14] The Honolulu Heart Study showed older patients with lower cholesterol have higher risks of death than those with higher cholesterol.[xii] [15]
Some patients with multiple risk factors, or who have had previous heart attacks do benefit, but when you look closely the results are underwhelming. It’s all in how you spin the numbers. For high-risk males (those who are overweight and have high blood pressure, diabetes, and/or a family history of heart attacks) and are younger than 69 there is some evidence of benefit, but one hundred men would need to be treated to prevent just one heart attack.
That means that 99/100 men who take the drug receive no benefit. Drug ads say the risk is reduced by 33 percent. Sounds good, but that just means the risk of getting a heart attack goes down from 3 percent to 2 percent.
Despite the extensive data showing that statins are a questionable therapy at best, they are still the number one selling drug in the US. What isn’t so well known is that 75 percent of statin prescriptions are written for people who will receive no proven benefit. The cost of these prescriptions? Over $20 billion a year.
Yet somehow the 2004 National Cholesterol Education Program guidelines expanded the previous guidelines to recommend that even more people without heart disease take statins (from 13 million to 40 million)[xiii] [16] What are we thinking?
Why would respected scientists go against the overwhelming research that statins don’t prevent heart disease in people who haven’t already had a heart attack?
You can find the answer if you follow the money. Eight of the nine experts on the panel who developed these guidelines had financial ties to the drug industry. Thirty-four other non-industry affiliated experts sent a petition to protest the recommendations to the National Institutes of Health saying the evidence was weak.
What Should Women Do?
It is time to push the sacred cow of statins overboard.
But first let me say this. If you have had a heart attack, or have heart disease, the evidence shows they do in fact help protect against a second heart attack, so keep taking them.
However, you should be aware that most prescriptions for statins are given to healthy people whose cholesterol is a little high. For these folks the risk clearly outweighs the benefit.
The editorial that accompanies the recent study on women taking cholesterol-lowering medication that I opened this article with was quite clear. Dr. Kirsten Johansen from the University of California, San Francisco said that the increased risk of diabetes in women without heart disease has “important implications for the balance of risk and benefit of statins in the setting of primary prevention in which previous meta-analyses show no benefit on all-cause mortality.”
In plain English, she said that we shouldn’t be using statin drugs for women without heart disease because:
The evidence shows they don’t work to prevent heart attacks if you never had one.
They significantly increase the risk of diabetes.
Treating risk factors like high cholesterol is misguided. We must treat causes – what we eat, how much we exercise, how we handle stress, our social connections and environmental toxins are all more powerfully linked to creating health and preventing disease than any drug on the market.
Remember what you put at the end of your fork is more powerful than anything you will ever find at the bottom of a pill bottle.
My new book The Blood Sugar Solution, which comes out at the end of February, gives exact details on what you should put at the end of your fork to prevent and reverse diabesity. It provides a comprehensive solution to the health problems facing our nation today.
To your good health,
Mark Hyman, MD
Friday, January 20, 2012
Don't Carpe Diem!
The following was written by Glennon Melton at Momastery. There are two sides to every story and life is nothing if not parodox. Enjoy, Beth
"Every time I'm out with my kids -- this seems to happen:
An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, "Oh, Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast."
Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.
I know that this message is right and good. But, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn't work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life - while I'm raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I'm not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I'm doing something wrong.
I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.
And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers -- "ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T!" TRUST US!! IT'LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!" -- those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.
Now. I'm not suggesting that the sweet old ladies who tell me to ENJOY MYSELF be thrown from a mountain. These are wonderful ladies. Monkees, probably. But last week, a woman approached me in the Target line and said the following: "Sugar, I hope you are enjoying this. I loved every single second of parenting my two girls. Every single moment. These days go by so fast."
At that particular moment, Amma had arranged one of the new bras I was buying on top of her sweater and was sucking a lollipop that she must have found on the ground. She also had three shop-lifted clip-on neon feathers stuck in her hair. She looked exactly like a contestant from Toddlers and Tiaras. I couldn't find Chase anywhere, and Tish was grabbing the pen on the credit card swiper thing WHILE the woman in front of me was trying to use it. And so I just looked at the woman, smiled and said, "Thank you. Yes. Me too. I am enjoying every single moment. Especially this one. Yes. Thank you."
That's not exactly what I wanted to say, though.
There was a famous writer who, when asked if he loved writing, replied, "No. but I love having written." What I wanted to say to this sweet woman was, "Are you sure? Are you sure you don't mean you love having parented?"
I love having written. And I love having parented. My favorite part of each day is when the kids are put to sleep (to bed) and Craig and I sink into the couch to watch some quality TV, like Celebrity Wife Swap, and congratulate each other on a job well done. Or a job done, at least.
Every time I write a post like this, I get emails suggesting that I'm being negative. I have received this particular message four or five times -- G, if you can't handle the three you have, why do you want a fourth?
That one always stings, and I don't think it's quite fair. Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it's hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she's not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn't add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it's so hard means she IS doing it right...in her own way...and she happens to be honest.
Craig is a software salesman. It's a hard job in this economy. And he comes home each day and talks a little bit about how hard it is. And I don't ever feel the need to suggest that he's not doing it right, or that he's negative for noticing that it's hard, or that maybe he shouldn't even consider taking on more responsibility. And I doubt anybody comes by his office to make sure he's ENJOYING HIMSELF. I doubt his boss peeks in his office and says: "This career stuff...it goes by so fast...ARE YOU ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT IN THERE, CRAIG???? CARPE DIEM, CRAIG!"
My point is this. I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn't enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn't in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn't MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I'd wake up and the kids would be gone, and I'd be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.
But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. And here's what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:
"It's helluva hard, isn't it? You're a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She's my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime." And hopefully, every once in a while, I'll add -- "Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up -- I'll have them bring your groceries out."
Anyway. Clearly, Carpe Diem doesn't work for me. I can't even carpe fifteen minutes in a row, so a whole diem is out of the question.
Here's what does work for me:
There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It's regular time, it's one minute at a time, it's staring down the clock till bedtime time, it's ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it's four screaming minutes in time out time, it's two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.
Then there's Kairos time. Kairos is God's time. It's time outside of time. It's metaphysical time. It's those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.
Like when I actually stop what I'm doing and really look at Tish. I notice how perfectly smooth and brownish her skin is. I notice the perfect curves of her teeny elf mouth and her asianish brown eyes, and I breathe in her soft Tishy smell. In these moments, I see that her mouth is moving but I can't hear her because all I can think is -- This is the first time I've really seen Tish all day, and my God -- she is so beautiful. Kairos.
Like when I'm stuck in chronos time in the grocery line and I'm haggard and annoyed and angry at the slow check-out clerk. And then I look at my cart and I'm transported out of chronos. And suddenly I notice the piles and piles of healthy food I'll feed my children to grow their bodies and minds and I remember that most of the world's mamas would kill for this opportunity. This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay. And I just stare at my cart. At the abundance. The bounty. Thank you, God. Kairos.
Or when I curl up in my cozy bed with Theo asleep at my feet and Craig asleep by my side and I listen to them both breathing. And for a moment, I think- how did a girl like me get so lucky? To go to bed each night surrounded by this breath, this love, this peace, this warmth? Kairos.
These kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word kairos in my head each time I leave chronos. And at the end of the day, I don't remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them. And that makes the pain of the daily parenting climb worth it.
If I had a couple Kairos moments during the day, I call it a success.
Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day.
Good enough for me."
"Every time I'm out with my kids -- this seems to happen:
An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, "Oh, Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast."
Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.
I know that this message is right and good. But, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn't work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life - while I'm raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I'm not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I'm doing something wrong.
I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.
And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers -- "ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T!" TRUST US!! IT'LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!" -- those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.
Now. I'm not suggesting that the sweet old ladies who tell me to ENJOY MYSELF be thrown from a mountain. These are wonderful ladies. Monkees, probably. But last week, a woman approached me in the Target line and said the following: "Sugar, I hope you are enjoying this. I loved every single second of parenting my two girls. Every single moment. These days go by so fast."
At that particular moment, Amma had arranged one of the new bras I was buying on top of her sweater and was sucking a lollipop that she must have found on the ground. She also had three shop-lifted clip-on neon feathers stuck in her hair. She looked exactly like a contestant from Toddlers and Tiaras. I couldn't find Chase anywhere, and Tish was grabbing the pen on the credit card swiper thing WHILE the woman in front of me was trying to use it. And so I just looked at the woman, smiled and said, "Thank you. Yes. Me too. I am enjoying every single moment. Especially this one. Yes. Thank you."
That's not exactly what I wanted to say, though.
There was a famous writer who, when asked if he loved writing, replied, "No. but I love having written." What I wanted to say to this sweet woman was, "Are you sure? Are you sure you don't mean you love having parented?"
I love having written. And I love having parented. My favorite part of each day is when the kids are put to sleep (to bed) and Craig and I sink into the couch to watch some quality TV, like Celebrity Wife Swap, and congratulate each other on a job well done. Or a job done, at least.
Every time I write a post like this, I get emails suggesting that I'm being negative. I have received this particular message four or five times -- G, if you can't handle the three you have, why do you want a fourth?
That one always stings, and I don't think it's quite fair. Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it's hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she's not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn't add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it's so hard means she IS doing it right...in her own way...and she happens to be honest.
Craig is a software salesman. It's a hard job in this economy. And he comes home each day and talks a little bit about how hard it is. And I don't ever feel the need to suggest that he's not doing it right, or that he's negative for noticing that it's hard, or that maybe he shouldn't even consider taking on more responsibility. And I doubt anybody comes by his office to make sure he's ENJOYING HIMSELF. I doubt his boss peeks in his office and says: "This career stuff...it goes by so fast...ARE YOU ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT IN THERE, CRAIG???? CARPE DIEM, CRAIG!"
My point is this. I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn't enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn't in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn't MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I'd wake up and the kids would be gone, and I'd be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.
But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. And here's what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:
"It's helluva hard, isn't it? You're a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She's my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime." And hopefully, every once in a while, I'll add -- "Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up -- I'll have them bring your groceries out."
Anyway. Clearly, Carpe Diem doesn't work for me. I can't even carpe fifteen minutes in a row, so a whole diem is out of the question.
Here's what does work for me:
There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It's regular time, it's one minute at a time, it's staring down the clock till bedtime time, it's ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it's four screaming minutes in time out time, it's two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.
Then there's Kairos time. Kairos is God's time. It's time outside of time. It's metaphysical time. It's those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.
Like when I actually stop what I'm doing and really look at Tish. I notice how perfectly smooth and brownish her skin is. I notice the perfect curves of her teeny elf mouth and her asianish brown eyes, and I breathe in her soft Tishy smell. In these moments, I see that her mouth is moving but I can't hear her because all I can think is -- This is the first time I've really seen Tish all day, and my God -- she is so beautiful. Kairos.
Like when I'm stuck in chronos time in the grocery line and I'm haggard and annoyed and angry at the slow check-out clerk. And then I look at my cart and I'm transported out of chronos. And suddenly I notice the piles and piles of healthy food I'll feed my children to grow their bodies and minds and I remember that most of the world's mamas would kill for this opportunity. This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay. And I just stare at my cart. At the abundance. The bounty. Thank you, God. Kairos.
Or when I curl up in my cozy bed with Theo asleep at my feet and Craig asleep by my side and I listen to them both breathing. And for a moment, I think- how did a girl like me get so lucky? To go to bed each night surrounded by this breath, this love, this peace, this warmth? Kairos.
These kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word kairos in my head each time I leave chronos. And at the end of the day, I don't remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them. And that makes the pain of the daily parenting climb worth it.
If I had a couple Kairos moments during the day, I call it a success.
Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day.
Good enough for me."
Life is Dessert
Ann Voskamp in 1,000 Gifts tells of her journey to gratitude. She also gives a glimpse into her parallel journey to fullness of life.
"When did I stop thinking life was dessert? I push back form the table. Push away from regrets. The fast have spiritually slow hearts. It takes a full 20 minutes after your stomach is full for your brain to register satiation. How long does it take your soul to realize that your life is full? The slower the living, the greater the sense of fullness and satisfaction. The body and soul can synchronize.
Don't I always have the choice to be fully attentive? Simplicity is ultimately a matter of focus. Eudharisteo, Eucharisteo. That keeps the focus simple - sacred.
I watch hands move grace on a clock face. I'm growing older. These children growing up. But time is not running out. This day is not a sieve, losing time. With each passing minute, each passing year, there's this deepening awareness that I am filling, gaining time. We stand on the brink of eternity. I want to savor long whatever time holds."
God does much of His work in dichotomy. Tune in Monday for the other side...
Laus Deo,
Beth
"When did I stop thinking life was dessert? I push back form the table. Push away from regrets. The fast have spiritually slow hearts. It takes a full 20 minutes after your stomach is full for your brain to register satiation. How long does it take your soul to realize that your life is full? The slower the living, the greater the sense of fullness and satisfaction. The body and soul can synchronize.
Don't I always have the choice to be fully attentive? Simplicity is ultimately a matter of focus. Eudharisteo, Eucharisteo. That keeps the focus simple - sacred.
I watch hands move grace on a clock face. I'm growing older. These children growing up. But time is not running out. This day is not a sieve, losing time. With each passing minute, each passing year, there's this deepening awareness that I am filling, gaining time. We stand on the brink of eternity. I want to savor long whatever time holds."
God does much of His work in dichotomy. Tune in Monday for the other side...
Laus Deo,
Beth
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Moments...
I just received this link to a short video that speaks to 1,000 Gifts and our need and desire to Wake Up! Enjoy my friends
Monday, January 16, 2012
I'm Bored!
That phrase makes me want to swing from the chandelier. My kids would occasionally say it and I was dumbfounded. Each had two siblings, other playmates, bicycles, hundreds of toys, crayons, markers, clay, and musical instruments - and that's the short list! How is that even possible? Just the sheer number of books I want to read would keep that from EVER happening. I have always felt it was ridiculous and an insult to God to say "I'm bored."
I LOVE it when my thinking is challenged! Yesterday, my friend Donna sent an article that posits that boredom is a catalyst for great creativity. Josh Bunch says our capacity for creativity and our ability to endlessly stimulate ourselves are mutually exclusive.
"Creativity born from necessity, or from boredom. Today we have more than we need, and today we fear boredom so much we find endless stimulation.
Stimulation was meant to be fleeting. Provoking. Not all consuming. When things are always on, those things drown out that little voice telling us something new, something creative, something life changing...Some of you feel it. A gnawing feeling that says something isn’t right. That all we have today isn’t better than it was, its just louder, and brighter. There was a time when boredom set us free. When there was nothing to the right or to the left so we invented it. That day passed. Today there is little innovation, there is only imitation. Some of you don’t want to feel it. Long ago you gave up by placing everything between you and your inner dialogue. Many today welcome the distractions. We over-crowd our surroundings until that beautiful productive feeling of boredom becomes numb. When we can’t feel bored, we can’t learn growth. When there is no growth, there is empty.
Boredom is a gift. When that little voice starts in, don’t distract it cultivate it, give it room to breath. Give it a pen to write, a voice to yell, a podium to preach."
So, Josh and I are both right about boredom. I wholeheartedly endorse his remedy. Unplug. Get quiet. Look within. Give voice to your creativity and destiny. Do something NEW! I would love to discover something new with you. Call or e-mail - both are on the website
Here's to newness of LIFE!
Beth
I LOVE it when my thinking is challenged! Yesterday, my friend Donna sent an article that posits that boredom is a catalyst for great creativity. Josh Bunch says our capacity for creativity and our ability to endlessly stimulate ourselves are mutually exclusive.
"Creativity born from necessity, or from boredom. Today we have more than we need, and today we fear boredom so much we find endless stimulation.
Stimulation was meant to be fleeting. Provoking. Not all consuming. When things are always on, those things drown out that little voice telling us something new, something creative, something life changing...Some of you feel it. A gnawing feeling that says something isn’t right. That all we have today isn’t better than it was, its just louder, and brighter. There was a time when boredom set us free. When there was nothing to the right or to the left so we invented it. That day passed. Today there is little innovation, there is only imitation. Some of you don’t want to feel it. Long ago you gave up by placing everything between you and your inner dialogue. Many today welcome the distractions. We over-crowd our surroundings until that beautiful productive feeling of boredom becomes numb. When we can’t feel bored, we can’t learn growth. When there is no growth, there is empty.
Boredom is a gift. When that little voice starts in, don’t distract it cultivate it, give it room to breath. Give it a pen to write, a voice to yell, a podium to preach."
So, Josh and I are both right about boredom. I wholeheartedly endorse his remedy. Unplug. Get quiet. Look within. Give voice to your creativity and destiny. Do something NEW! I would love to discover something new with you. Call or e-mail - both are on the website
Here's to newness of LIFE!
Beth
Saturday, January 14, 2012
It's All in Your Head
This is from The Daily Good - and it's good!
There are no failures - just experiences and your reactions to them.
- Tom Krause -
There are no failures - just experiences and your reactions to them.
- Tom Krause -
Friday, January 13, 2012
365 Grateful
Just saw this video...goes along with 1,000 Gifts and expressing our gratitude. Have a look ;-)
http://www.karmatube.org/videos.php?id=2494
http://www.karmatube.org/videos.php?id=2494
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Wake Up!
The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up. - Paul Valery -
I am not an early morning person; actually, am kind of a night owl. I have begun exercising at 6:30 am as part of my own call to do "something new". That means I must get out of bed when the first number on the clock is still a 5. I am amazed at how "new" I feel after just a week. I have already learned that the wake up call is literal. Wake up. Get up. Get the day going. Watch the sky brighten with the new day.
Wake up is also a call to pay attention. Look around you and really take it in. Listen with your ears and your heart. Experience your life with all your senses.
Finally, wake up emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.
"For you are all sons of the light and sons of the day. We're not of the night or of darkness. So then, we must not sleep like the rest, but we must stay awake and be sober." 1 Thessalonians 5:5,6
Where have you been sleeping in your life? Where has your thinking or perspective been napping and only half aware? Where have you dozed and coasted? Wake up!
Sunday, January 8, 2012
WONDER in a Hit-and-Run
Saturday I was stopped at a 4-way stop a few blocks from my house. Suddenly a car came flying around the corner, burning rubber, and spun out hitting the back end of my car.
He backed up and took off again. I quickly went from shocked to angry! I mentally racially profiled the young hispanic driver to be an illegal with no insurance. (I know...shame on me)I was already irritated at the cost to me and none to him.
As I pulled around the corner and stood looking at the damage a young woman got out of her car to see if I was ok and handed me her name and phone #, telling me to call if I needed an eye witness. An elderly gentleman came out of his house to say he had seen it too and to come get him if I needed him. Finally, a man named Dennis, who had been riding his bike, rode over and said he had gotten a partial license plate and could identify the driver. He stayed with me until the officer came to take an incident report for the insurance co. We are contemporaries; he lives in a town west of Chicago and winters here near kids and grands, and was very upset at what had just happened. Before he rode off he told me he was going to canvas the area and find the car if it was around. I thanked him but didn't expect anything. A couple hours later he called to say he was with officers at the guy's house. The young man's mom covered for him so he could escape out the back, but Dennis would not be deterred. Later in the evening he identified the driver from a photo array. I am not sure what will happen from here, but thanks to Dennis we know who he is and that he will be charged with leaving the scene and perhaps more if they find him again.
In the final analysis, no one was hurt, damage was minimal, I was the recipient of my fellow human beings' good will, and God reminded me of His never-ending love and provision. Wonderment.
He backed up and took off again. I quickly went from shocked to angry! I mentally racially profiled the young hispanic driver to be an illegal with no insurance. (I know...shame on me)I was already irritated at the cost to me and none to him.
As I pulled around the corner and stood looking at the damage a young woman got out of her car to see if I was ok and handed me her name and phone #, telling me to call if I needed an eye witness. An elderly gentleman came out of his house to say he had seen it too and to come get him if I needed him. Finally, a man named Dennis, who had been riding his bike, rode over and said he had gotten a partial license plate and could identify the driver. He stayed with me until the officer came to take an incident report for the insurance co. We are contemporaries; he lives in a town west of Chicago and winters here near kids and grands, and was very upset at what had just happened. Before he rode off he told me he was going to canvas the area and find the car if it was around. I thanked him but didn't expect anything. A couple hours later he called to say he was with officers at the guy's house. The young man's mom covered for him so he could escape out the back, but Dennis would not be deterred. Later in the evening he identified the driver from a photo array. I am not sure what will happen from here, but thanks to Dennis we know who he is and that he will be charged with leaving the scene and perhaps more if they find him again.
In the final analysis, no one was hurt, damage was minimal, I was the recipient of my fellow human beings' good will, and God reminded me of His never-ending love and provision. Wonderment.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Grace. Thanksgiving. Joy
I am really enjoying 1,000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp and have begun a list of my own 1,000 gratitudes and wonders. Here is an excerpt.
"Eucharisteo, thanksgiving, envelopes the Greek word for grace, charis. But it also holds its derivative, the Greek word chara, meaning joy. Joy. Ah...yes. I might be needing me some of that.
I breathe deep like a sojourner coming home. That has always been the goal of the fullest life - joy. And my life knew exactly how elusive that slippery three-letter word, joy, can be.
That's what I was struggling out of nightmares to reach, to seize. Joy. Deep chara is found only at the table of the euCHARisteo - the table of thanksgiving. I sit there long...wondering...is it that simple?
Is the height of my charajoy dependent on the depths of my eucharisteo thanks? As long as thanks is possible, then joy is always possible. Whenever, meaning - now; wherever, meaning - here. The holy grail of joy is not in some exotic location or some emotional mountain peak experience. The joy ownde could be here! Here, in the messy, piercing ache of now, joy might be - unbelievably - possible! The only place we need see before we die is this place of seeing God, here and now.
Charis. Grace.
Eucharisteo. Thanksgiving.
Chara. Joy.
A triplet of stars, a constellation in the black.
A threefold chord that might hold a life? Offer a way up into the fullest life?
Grace, thanksgiving, joy. Eucharisteo."
"Eucharisteo, thanksgiving, envelopes the Greek word for grace, charis. But it also holds its derivative, the Greek word chara, meaning joy. Joy. Ah...yes. I might be needing me some of that.
I breathe deep like a sojourner coming home. That has always been the goal of the fullest life - joy. And my life knew exactly how elusive that slippery three-letter word, joy, can be.
That's what I was struggling out of nightmares to reach, to seize. Joy. Deep chara is found only at the table of the euCHARisteo - the table of thanksgiving. I sit there long...wondering...is it that simple?
Is the height of my charajoy dependent on the depths of my eucharisteo thanks? As long as thanks is possible, then joy is always possible. Whenever, meaning - now; wherever, meaning - here. The holy grail of joy is not in some exotic location or some emotional mountain peak experience. The joy ownde could be here! Here, in the messy, piercing ache of now, joy might be - unbelievably - possible! The only place we need see before we die is this place of seeing God, here and now.
Charis. Grace.
Eucharisteo. Thanksgiving.
Chara. Joy.
A triplet of stars, a constellation in the black.
A threefold chord that might hold a life? Offer a way up into the fullest life?
Grace, thanksgiving, joy. Eucharisteo."
Sunday, January 1, 2012
The Gate of the Year
I just returned home after six weeks away. It's wonderful to be able to spend so much time with family and friends - also nice to come to home to solitude and stillness...
I was looking through my journal at entries from the year past and found this.
"I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year, 'Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.' And he replied, 'Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.' - Minnie Haskins - from God Knows
"I will give your life to you as a prize in all places, wherever you go." Jeremiah 45:5
We are standing at the gate of the year. Go in the hand of God.
Shalom,
Beth
p.s. Shalom means completeness, wholeness, health, peace, welfare, safety, soundness, tranquility, prosperity, perfectness, fullness, rest, harmony, the absence of agitation or discord. Now THAT is a good word!
I was looking through my journal at entries from the year past and found this.
"I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year, 'Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.' And he replied, 'Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.' - Minnie Haskins - from God Knows
"I will give your life to you as a prize in all places, wherever you go." Jeremiah 45:5
We are standing at the gate of the year. Go in the hand of God.
Shalom,
Beth
p.s. Shalom means completeness, wholeness, health, peace, welfare, safety, soundness, tranquility, prosperity, perfectness, fullness, rest, harmony, the absence of agitation or discord. Now THAT is a good word!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)