This is reprinted from the Daily Good. the article was written by Bonnie Ware, a nurse for the dying.
"For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness."
These are good words friends! Give them some thought and ACT. I have let some wonderful friendships get away from me - I have moved 19 times in my adult life. I am going to make a real effort to reconnect and see where it takes me - us. Let us know what you are going to do to avoid any of these regrets.
Laus Deo,
Beth
Monday, February 27, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
How Full is Your Bucket?
I had a wonderful conversation with a friend that brought up something so powerful I asked her if I could share it. Blessings for you, she said yes!
She's a wife, a mother, and a school teacher and she mentioned her quiet time each morning with her 6 year old son. I was amazed that she got up in time to get herself and him ready to go and out the door (she takes him to school on her way) - and asked how she does that. She said that the consequences of not doing it - snapping at each other, rushing, less focus and calm during the day, and behavior problems - made it a high priority. She shared this, from one of their morning devotional quiet times.
"Sweetheart, I need you to come when I call, to do what I say, and to do what I ask with a cheerful heart. Because, if you come when I call but don't do what I say - it's as if you ignored me and didn't come at all. If you come when I call and do what I say, but you mumble and complain, or get angry - it doesn't count and everyone feels unhappy."
She told me about a picture book called How Full is Your Bucket? The visual is of everyone with a bucket over their head and our interactions with them either scoop out or fill up. Like an emotional tank, we are either building up or tearing down - we are either pouring in emotional fuel or sucking it out. Our words have tremendous power to create and to destroy. She said that their quiet time in the morning allowed for emotional reserves to draw on when the day-to-day things of life sucked energy and joy. Because her son has his bucket filled before he leaves the house, he has plenty of fuel and remains calm and focused and content during his days.
If you are a parent I hope you will consider building a few minutes into your morning to fill your child's bucket - and yours - as you begin the day.
This is a great exercise for all of us. Visualize the bucket over the head or heart of everyone you interact with. Consciously observe whether you are filling or emptying their bucket.. Even a small gesture or word can add a lot - or subtract a lot. Commit to be a bucket filler! Let us know how it goes.
Blessings,
Beth
She's a wife, a mother, and a school teacher and she mentioned her quiet time each morning with her 6 year old son. I was amazed that she got up in time to get herself and him ready to go and out the door (she takes him to school on her way) - and asked how she does that. She said that the consequences of not doing it - snapping at each other, rushing, less focus and calm during the day, and behavior problems - made it a high priority. She shared this, from one of their morning devotional quiet times.
"Sweetheart, I need you to come when I call, to do what I say, and to do what I ask with a cheerful heart. Because, if you come when I call but don't do what I say - it's as if you ignored me and didn't come at all. If you come when I call and do what I say, but you mumble and complain, or get angry - it doesn't count and everyone feels unhappy."
She told me about a picture book called How Full is Your Bucket? The visual is of everyone with a bucket over their head and our interactions with them either scoop out or fill up. Like an emotional tank, we are either building up or tearing down - we are either pouring in emotional fuel or sucking it out. Our words have tremendous power to create and to destroy. She said that their quiet time in the morning allowed for emotional reserves to draw on when the day-to-day things of life sucked energy and joy. Because her son has his bucket filled before he leaves the house, he has plenty of fuel and remains calm and focused and content during his days.
If you are a parent I hope you will consider building a few minutes into your morning to fill your child's bucket - and yours - as you begin the day.
This is a great exercise for all of us. Visualize the bucket over the head or heart of everyone you interact with. Consciously observe whether you are filling or emptying their bucket.. Even a small gesture or word can add a lot - or subtract a lot. Commit to be a bucket filler! Let us know how it goes.
Blessings,
Beth
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Tomorrow May Be Too Late
I was one of the people who loved Whitney Houston's music and thought she was a delightful person. I also thought there was entirely too much news coverage of her life and death - that we had, once again, gotten our priorities completely wrong.
I watched the second half of her funeral and was blessed! What a celebration of life, of love, of relationship, and of God's power and purpose! On Saturday, February 18, 2012 it was completely acceptable to say you believe in a sovereign God and in Jesus, "my Lord and Savior" in America - all thanks to the remarkable life and death of Whitney Houston; and the wisdom and conviction of her adoring mother, Cissy Houston.
I watched and listened in rapt admiration as her family, friends, and colleagues shared who she had been and what she had brought to their lives. And I was moved to tears as each one spoke of how God had been entwined in and through it all. I loved Kevin Costner's sweet memory of their shared faith and her audition and role in The Bodyguard. He had unfailing faith in her capabilities and humbly acknowledged that she carried the movie - anyone could have played his part but no one else could have played hers. Isn't that just like our God? No one else can play the part He has hardwired into each of us and He has unwavering faith in our ability to complete it with His help.
Alicia Keys sang of Whitney's role as supporting and encouraging angel to so many and R. Kelly of her constant need to "look to You"(God)in all circumstances. Tyler Perry spoke of the Grace that constantly carried her through and called her higher. She knew that NOTHING separated her from the love of God.
...neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:39 The same is true for us with our God.
Finally, the Wynan brothers sang a beautiful song called Tomorrow..."tomorrow may be too late, tomorrow may be today." Pastor Marvin Wynan encouraged each one to include God in all you do in life - to DECIDE what you believe - and act on that belief.
If you have not considered God and His Son, Jesus I urge you to do so. None of us is guaranteed tomorrow. Simply have the conversation with Him. There's no wrong way to come. He waits for you.
Laus Deo,
Beth
I watched the second half of her funeral and was blessed! What a celebration of life, of love, of relationship, and of God's power and purpose! On Saturday, February 18, 2012 it was completely acceptable to say you believe in a sovereign God and in Jesus, "my Lord and Savior" in America - all thanks to the remarkable life and death of Whitney Houston; and the wisdom and conviction of her adoring mother, Cissy Houston.
I watched and listened in rapt admiration as her family, friends, and colleagues shared who she had been and what she had brought to their lives. And I was moved to tears as each one spoke of how God had been entwined in and through it all. I loved Kevin Costner's sweet memory of their shared faith and her audition and role in The Bodyguard. He had unfailing faith in her capabilities and humbly acknowledged that she carried the movie - anyone could have played his part but no one else could have played hers. Isn't that just like our God? No one else can play the part He has hardwired into each of us and He has unwavering faith in our ability to complete it with His help.
Alicia Keys sang of Whitney's role as supporting and encouraging angel to so many and R. Kelly of her constant need to "look to You"(God)in all circumstances. Tyler Perry spoke of the Grace that constantly carried her through and called her higher. She knew that NOTHING separated her from the love of God.
...neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:39 The same is true for us with our God.
Finally, the Wynan brothers sang a beautiful song called Tomorrow..."tomorrow may be too late, tomorrow may be today." Pastor Marvin Wynan encouraged each one to include God in all you do in life - to DECIDE what you believe - and act on that belief.
If you have not considered God and His Son, Jesus I urge you to do so. None of us is guaranteed tomorrow. Simply have the conversation with Him. There's no wrong way to come. He waits for you.
Laus Deo,
Beth
Monday, February 13, 2012
Lessons from James Brown
I had the delightful opportunity to hear James Brown speak this week - best known for the NFL pre-game show with Howie Long and Terry Bradshaw. Did you know he never played football? He was recruited to play basketball for Harvard...more about that in a minute.
He spoke of a loving family with strong morals and values. He lovingly refers to his mom as the sergeant - a woman who said what she meant and meant what she said. Academic excellence was highly valued in the Brown home, along with respect and a sense of pride and tradition. He was recruited by Harvard and shook hands on his commitment to play for them. Two weeks later he received a letter from UCLA, the basketball powerhouse of the time. He was ecstatic as he told his parents the news and wanted to make plans to see the school and meet the coach. The sergeant reminded him of his commitment to Harvard. "But mom, this is UCLA!" It didn't take much convincing for the young Brown to do the right thing and honor his verbal commitment. Decades later he knows he made the right decision and praises his parents for their strong convictions. Amen
He was taught that a righteous and fulfilling life has four immutable pillars. Prioritize these and all will be well. I agree Mr. Brown. They are, in descending order:
God
Family
Church/Ministry/Volunteerism
Career (work, school,basketball, etc)
We all have kids in our lives. Let's examine our own priorities and adjust where needed, so we can model them for those precious young people.
Blessings,
Beth
He spoke of a loving family with strong morals and values. He lovingly refers to his mom as the sergeant - a woman who said what she meant and meant what she said. Academic excellence was highly valued in the Brown home, along with respect and a sense of pride and tradition. He was recruited by Harvard and shook hands on his commitment to play for them. Two weeks later he received a letter from UCLA, the basketball powerhouse of the time. He was ecstatic as he told his parents the news and wanted to make plans to see the school and meet the coach. The sergeant reminded him of his commitment to Harvard. "But mom, this is UCLA!" It didn't take much convincing for the young Brown to do the right thing and honor his verbal commitment. Decades later he knows he made the right decision and praises his parents for their strong convictions. Amen
He was taught that a righteous and fulfilling life has four immutable pillars. Prioritize these and all will be well. I agree Mr. Brown. They are, in descending order:
God
Family
Church/Ministry/Volunteerism
Career (work, school,basketball, etc)
We all have kids in our lives. Let's examine our own priorities and adjust where needed, so we can model them for those precious young people.
Blessings,
Beth
Thursday, February 9, 2012
On a Scale from 1-10....?
I have been asking myself some questions for the past week or so. One of them is,
"How present were you in this day?" It doesn't require a long answer - just a rating on a scale from 1-10. This has been an issue for me for a long time; I haven't been able to get above a 7 even since I actually began monitoring it.
I am in Chicago babysitting for 3 of my grandsons this week. The oldest is 6 and he has been home all week with a nasty cold. Yesterday we added an earache, so today we made a trip to the doctor and the pharmacy. It has been a long time since I ran a household with kids 6,4,and 1 y.o. and all the activity and listening and loving that requires.
I also had two friends from Indiana come spend the night with me. Lots of good girl time (my two daughters included!) and sharing. Today I scored 8.5. I want to be fully present in my life - to the people and events God places in my path - and to His voice and direction. How about you? How would you score on a daily basis?
The exercise is called Daily Questions. Think about your friend calling you every day and asking you questions about your life. What questions would
you want her to ask? Think of 4 - 10 questions about things you would like to be reminded of/accountable for/ or
monitored on. Each question should be able to be answered by "yes", "no", or a number. The process should move quickly.
Think about the different areas of your life - God/prayer/spiritual growth, home, family, relationships, work, health, etc.
For example -
"Did you exercise today?"
"How many minutes did you spend in meaningful conversation with your husband/son/daughter?
"How 'present' were you in this day? (this could be a scale of 1-10)
"Did you spend time in prayer today?"
"How many glasses of water did you drink today?"
You get the idea
One rule: NO negative feedback - in fact, keep even positive feedback to brief comments that reinforce and encourage.
"Way to go!" "Congratulations!" "You have worked hard on that." etc.
Ideally, these questions are asked of each other daily. If you can manage that with your partner go for it! Please commit to no less than 2(x)week - shoot for 3-4.
Reminder: This should only take 2-3 minutes. Please don't interrupt the process. Complete the questions THEN have any other conversation you wish.
Get a friend and go for it! Let us know how it goes.
Blessings,
Beth
"How present were you in this day?" It doesn't require a long answer - just a rating on a scale from 1-10. This has been an issue for me for a long time; I haven't been able to get above a 7 even since I actually began monitoring it.
I am in Chicago babysitting for 3 of my grandsons this week. The oldest is 6 and he has been home all week with a nasty cold. Yesterday we added an earache, so today we made a trip to the doctor and the pharmacy. It has been a long time since I ran a household with kids 6,4,and 1 y.o. and all the activity and listening and loving that requires.
I also had two friends from Indiana come spend the night with me. Lots of good girl time (my two daughters included!) and sharing. Today I scored 8.5. I want to be fully present in my life - to the people and events God places in my path - and to His voice and direction. How about you? How would you score on a daily basis?
The exercise is called Daily Questions. Think about your friend calling you every day and asking you questions about your life. What questions would
you want her to ask? Think of 4 - 10 questions about things you would like to be reminded of/accountable for/ or
monitored on. Each question should be able to be answered by "yes", "no", or a number. The process should move quickly.
Think about the different areas of your life - God/prayer/spiritual growth, home, family, relationships, work, health, etc.
For example -
"Did you exercise today?"
"How many minutes did you spend in meaningful conversation with your husband/son/daughter?
"How 'present' were you in this day? (this could be a scale of 1-10)
"Did you spend time in prayer today?"
"How many glasses of water did you drink today?"
You get the idea
One rule: NO negative feedback - in fact, keep even positive feedback to brief comments that reinforce and encourage.
"Way to go!" "Congratulations!" "You have worked hard on that." etc.
Ideally, these questions are asked of each other daily. If you can manage that with your partner go for it! Please commit to no less than 2(x)week - shoot for 3-4.
Reminder: This should only take 2-3 minutes. Please don't interrupt the process. Complete the questions THEN have any other conversation you wish.
Get a friend and go for it! Let us know how it goes.
Blessings,
Beth
Friday, February 3, 2012
Show Up! Press on!
I am reading Being George Washington by Glenn Beck. So much I never knew about the Revolutionary War and this remarkable man. After the war was won, the real battle began - to build a strong republic, made up of human beings no less. How in the world would we govern this nation?
"On Monday morning, May 14, 1787, the day the Constitutional Convention opened, there was no quorum. There wouldn't be one until Friday, May 25 - even then, only 29 delegates showed up - barely a majority. Washington didn't just show up on opening day; he showed up every day. He rarely excused himself for a break, unlike other delegates, who might be gone for weeks. Some hardly attended at all.
But Washington was there. He was persistent. As Calvin Coolidge said:
"Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press on!' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race."
Life isn't all glamour. It's putting one foot in front of the other - and to do that you'd better be there in the first place. To make a real impact you've got to get involved. Show your face. Prove your commitment. Earn your respect."
You have so much to offer. Get out there and offer it! The world needs exactly what you have - and by "the world" I mean YOUR world. It doesn't have to be big.
"Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much..." Luke 16:10
This week, look around you. What do you see that sparks your interest? That pushes your injustice button? That calls to your heart? Begin there.
If you are unsure of your calling or talent, you can hear the voice of God. My friend Linda is GREAT at helping women turn on the ears of their heart. Don't miss this conference
Blessings,
Beth
"On Monday morning, May 14, 1787, the day the Constitutional Convention opened, there was no quorum. There wouldn't be one until Friday, May 25 - even then, only 29 delegates showed up - barely a majority. Washington didn't just show up on opening day; he showed up every day. He rarely excused himself for a break, unlike other delegates, who might be gone for weeks. Some hardly attended at all.
But Washington was there. He was persistent. As Calvin Coolidge said:
"Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press on!' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race."
Life isn't all glamour. It's putting one foot in front of the other - and to do that you'd better be there in the first place. To make a real impact you've got to get involved. Show your face. Prove your commitment. Earn your respect."
You have so much to offer. Get out there and offer it! The world needs exactly what you have - and by "the world" I mean YOUR world. It doesn't have to be big.
"Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much..." Luke 16:10
This week, look around you. What do you see that sparks your interest? That pushes your injustice button? That calls to your heart? Begin there.
If you are unsure of your calling or talent, you can hear the voice of God. My friend Linda is GREAT at helping women turn on the ears of their heart. Don't miss this conference
Blessings,
Beth
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