Yesterday on my morning walk I made a horrifying discovery. There is a church nearby with a shady stretch of parking lot where I do lunges. When I got to the back of the lot there was a child's sock and a condom wrapper next to each other. The lot was clean and clear - no other debris around, not even spring droppings from the trees above me. My heart stood still and my body was paralyzed with the "knowing" that a child had been abused and raped. There is an elementary school a block away...
I picked them up and carried them gingerly home, tears streaming down my face. I called the police, hoping they could do something helpful with the evidence. They were kind but uninterested; the officer attributing my find to the wind we had experienced the day before - despite my insistence that the lot was clear. I called the school and the principal assured me that they stayed abreast of sexual predators in the area and thanked me for my call. I asked him to talk to the teachers, to encourage them to really look at and listen to their kids - to LOOK for the one who has been hurt, who seems distracted or anxious or scared; to watch the one whose work is suffering, to see the one who has become aggressive and angry - and to TALK to them. Give them the space and safety to tell the secret. Keep watch.
I ask the same of each of you. We all have children in our lives in some capacity. Watch them. Create a safe environment and let them know they can trust you to talk about things with them. This epidemic knows no boundaries - it happens everywhere. Keep watch.
I just had a conversation this morning with parents who learned their daughter is using heroin - again. I know a family whose son is facing prison time. I am working with young women who have been raped, beaten, deceived, and betrayed. Their hearts are broken and their souls are damaged. Addiction, abuse, trauma, slavery, trafficking - young lives are being taken and tossed away like so much trash. Keep watch.
You are in a position to help. You have kind, generous hearts. You have resources and connections. Start with your own circle of influence and just BE a safe haven and a person who is watching and listening; a person who allows yourself to "know" and move on that knowing when it comes.
Keep watch.
If you are interested, here are some things to read, watch, and act on:
www.mendingthesoul.org Read Mending the Soul by Steven Tracy - remarkable work!
www.gems-girls.org Read Girls Like Us by Rachel Lloyd
www.sharedhope.org Read Renting Lacy by Linda Smith
www.streetlightusa.org
http://www.mercycorps.org/colombia/childsoldiers?akid=1574.205730.6O97av&rd=1&source=E1570&t=6 A beautiful video of healing child soldiers in Columbia
www.ceaseaz.org Read about the case of cardiologist, Dr. Richard Lewis. It will blow your mind!
He sexually assaulted his patients, many while under anesthesia for surgical procedures! Please sign the petition to see that justice is served for these women at the link below.
http://www.change.org/petitions/the-honorable-judge-thumma-give-dr-richard-lewis-the-maximum-sentence-for-his-sex-crimes
Keep watch,
Beth
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
LOOK UP!
Last summer I went to family camp in northern Wisconsin with my 13 year old grandson, Jack. The natural beauty all around us was breathtaking and we enjoyed a magical week together.
The camp was in the woods on a lake - parts of the woods were quite dense. One of our favorite morning activities was to head into the woods, then choose a spot to just sit and listen and BE. Have you ever experienced the coolness, the peace, and the quiet of deep woods? Lovely and serene...
It is an entirely different place at night! The nature director set up a nighttime hike for those brave souls who would. Families set out together in timed departures to ensure you really were in there with only each other in the dark and quiet (or not so quiet! The critters come out at night!) The path ahead was marked by distant blue glow sticks hanging from a tree. You could only see one at a time and almost no light was available.
At the outset Jack and I were pretty upbeat and ready for adventure. He scampered ahead of me, teasing Gram about being so tentative. After we passed the first blue glow the path began to take twists and turns and the ground became uneven. The glow seemed to be ahead on the right but we had to go left to get there - sometimes out of view of our only marker. It didn't take long for our excitement to turn to concentration and a little anxiety. I noticed that we were both whispering. We hung pretty close to each other, listening to strange sounds and straining to see the next blue marker.
We got a little disoriented. When you can't really see the ground beneath you, you are unsure of where to put your feet. Both of us laughed nervously as we high stepped over an imagined obstacle in our path or tripped over a tree root completely unseen. We were told the hike would take about a half hour, but we had no idea how long we had been going. We started hoping for the end. In the deepest part of the forest, along with the blue glow stick was a note: "When you are in the darkness, unsure of where to go, stumbling along in uncertainty - know that you are NOT alone. God is with you every step of the way. He is your light, your compass, your safety. Look UP!"
Sure enough, a few steps ahead was an opening in the tree canopy and the summer sky was visible. We had not thought to look up to orient ourselves - although many times along the way there were open spaces where we could have. How often do we miss the markers right in front of us?
The trail ended at the stable. As we got closer we began to recognize the area. We could smell the horses and hear them nickering. We knew EXACTLY how to get home from there. It was familiar and comforting.
There was no talking and laughing around the campfire that night. Jack and I went down to the lake and sat at the end of the pier, silently processing what we had just felt, learned, and heard in the deepest part of our being.
What darkness has you disoriented?
What obstacle is creating uncertainty and anxiety?
What path marker can you see off in the distance?
What is within you that knows EXACTLY the way home?
Listen. Look around you. Notice what is already in your hand. You are never alone. Look UP!
The camp was in the woods on a lake - parts of the woods were quite dense. One of our favorite morning activities was to head into the woods, then choose a spot to just sit and listen and BE. Have you ever experienced the coolness, the peace, and the quiet of deep woods? Lovely and serene...
It is an entirely different place at night! The nature director set up a nighttime hike for those brave souls who would. Families set out together in timed departures to ensure you really were in there with only each other in the dark and quiet (or not so quiet! The critters come out at night!) The path ahead was marked by distant blue glow sticks hanging from a tree. You could only see one at a time and almost no light was available.
At the outset Jack and I were pretty upbeat and ready for adventure. He scampered ahead of me, teasing Gram about being so tentative. After we passed the first blue glow the path began to take twists and turns and the ground became uneven. The glow seemed to be ahead on the right but we had to go left to get there - sometimes out of view of our only marker. It didn't take long for our excitement to turn to concentration and a little anxiety. I noticed that we were both whispering. We hung pretty close to each other, listening to strange sounds and straining to see the next blue marker.
We got a little disoriented. When you can't really see the ground beneath you, you are unsure of where to put your feet. Both of us laughed nervously as we high stepped over an imagined obstacle in our path or tripped over a tree root completely unseen. We were told the hike would take about a half hour, but we had no idea how long we had been going. We started hoping for the end. In the deepest part of the forest, along with the blue glow stick was a note: "When you are in the darkness, unsure of where to go, stumbling along in uncertainty - know that you are NOT alone. God is with you every step of the way. He is your light, your compass, your safety. Look UP!"
Sure enough, a few steps ahead was an opening in the tree canopy and the summer sky was visible. We had not thought to look up to orient ourselves - although many times along the way there were open spaces where we could have. How often do we miss the markers right in front of us?
The trail ended at the stable. As we got closer we began to recognize the area. We could smell the horses and hear them nickering. We knew EXACTLY how to get home from there. It was familiar and comforting.
There was no talking and laughing around the campfire that night. Jack and I went down to the lake and sat at the end of the pier, silently processing what we had just felt, learned, and heard in the deepest part of our being.
What darkness has you disoriented?
What obstacle is creating uncertainty and anxiety?
What path marker can you see off in the distance?
What is within you that knows EXACTLY the way home?
Listen. Look around you. Notice what is already in your hand. You are never alone. Look UP!
Friday, May 11, 2012
The war on Mommies - the REAL one
I am reposting Kristen's brilliant insight from www.rageagainsttheminivan.com. Let's all enlist to fight this war!
If you watch the trends of media, whether it be print, internet, or tv, you’ve probably noticed that every couple of months there is a new version of the “mommy war” being played out. Last month’s battle du jour was surrounding moms who work vs. moms who stay at home. Today, a firestorm has ignited over a provocative photo and article in Time magazine about extended breastfeeding and attachment parenting. These manufactured mommy wars are predictable because they tend to provoke strong reactions from mothers who feel judged, as well as mothers who want to feel superior for their choices. A litany of analysis, outrage, and defensiveness usually follows. Women tear each other down, while the entity responsible for initiating the battle reaps the benefit (whether it be a hot debate on a talk show or a political playing card). The insecurities of women surrounding their parenting choices are frequently pawns in the ratings game, and I think the most recent Time magazine article and photo of a preschooler breastfeeding are intended to incite such a reaction.
I don’t much care if you breastfed your kid until they started kindergarten, or if you fed them formula from day one. I don’t really care if you turned your infant car-seat forward-facing prior to age 2, or if you homeschool, or if you send your kids to daycare while you go to work. Do you cosleep? Did you circumcise your son? I DON’T CARE. Do you babywear? Push your kid around in a stroller? Use a leash for your kid at Disneyland? Whatever. Good for you.
When it comes to issues of motherhood, there is one issue I care about: some kids don’t have one. All of these petty wars about the choices of capable, loving mothers is just a lot of white noise to me, Quite honestly, I’m often astonished at the non-essential parenting issues I see moms getting their panties in a wad about. Particularly when there are so many kids in this world not being parented at all.
This is the only mommy war I’ll wage. I’m confident that most mothers are doing the best that they can for their kids, even if their choices are different than mine. I think it’s ridiculous that so much energy is spent on debating largely inconsequential parenting decisions when so very little attention is given to the children who DON’T HAVE PARENTS. Why isn’t this causing outrage? Making magazine covers? Inciting ranty twitter posts?
This is the war I’ll be involved in: We, as a society, are not doing enough to protect at-risk and motherless children, both in our country and globally.
(Because apparently we’re too busy worrying about that kid whose mom gave him formula).
The kind of war I’ll get behind will advocate for kids with bigger issues than a mom who goes to work. Or doesn’t.
I’ll get upset about the fact that LA County’s family court system is so atrocious that they recently allowed press into court hearings for minors, in the hopes that this might finally provide some accountability for social workers who aren’t doing their job. Let me repeat that: social workers are so understaffed and/or screwing up so badly that reporters are allowed into confidential court proceedings in the hopes that it will shape them up.
I’ll be disturbed by the 18-year-olds I regularly see on adoption photolistings who, despite being old enough to live independently, place themselves on national photolistings because they desperately want a mom and a dad in their adult life. Because, in one teen’s words, he "wants to become a member of a permanent family".
I’ll whine about how, when we called our Christian agency about a healthy African American boy from LA county who was in need of a home, we were told that they had no prospective adoptive parents willing to accept a placement of a black child. NOT ONE.
I’ll get my panties in a wad about a system that requires foster children to be placed in an adoptive home for 6 months before terminating parental rights, regardless of an absence of reunification efforts by the birth parents. I’ll be angry about how this scares away prospective adoptive parents, and hurts children by leaving them in a limbo even after years of no contact or even abandonment by their birth family. I’ll rant about how children whose parents have failed them should be made legally freed for adoption AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, so that more people would be willing to step forward and adopt.
I’ll get behind complaining about how the government renames orphans and calls them "wards of the state", and renames orphanages and calls them "group homes", and how we collectively turn a blind eye to the fact that we have hundreds of thousands of children waiting for families in the US.
I’ll be appalled over how many children around the world will age out of orphanages, due to lack of paperwork or other factors that make them ineligible for adoption. I’ll continue posting about the deplorable conditions of third world orphanages, and the developmental challenges that neglected children will face.
I’ll fight for the moms who don’t have access to prenatal care, or for the moms who have to abandon their children because of poverty. I’ll be mad that such inequities exist, and I’ll support organizations that help change it.
The only mommy war I support involves moms banding together to talk about the number of children in our world who are missing out on basic human needs. Security. Love. Affection. Let’s wage a war about that. Not everyone can adopt, but we can all do something. Even if it’s just using our voices for something more productive than personal parenting choices.
If you watch the trends of media, whether it be print, internet, or tv, you’ve probably noticed that every couple of months there is a new version of the “mommy war” being played out. Last month’s battle du jour was surrounding moms who work vs. moms who stay at home. Today, a firestorm has ignited over a provocative photo and article in Time magazine about extended breastfeeding and attachment parenting. These manufactured mommy wars are predictable because they tend to provoke strong reactions from mothers who feel judged, as well as mothers who want to feel superior for their choices. A litany of analysis, outrage, and defensiveness usually follows. Women tear each other down, while the entity responsible for initiating the battle reaps the benefit (whether it be a hot debate on a talk show or a political playing card). The insecurities of women surrounding their parenting choices are frequently pawns in the ratings game, and I think the most recent Time magazine article and photo of a preschooler breastfeeding are intended to incite such a reaction.
I don’t much care if you breastfed your kid until they started kindergarten, or if you fed them formula from day one. I don’t really care if you turned your infant car-seat forward-facing prior to age 2, or if you homeschool, or if you send your kids to daycare while you go to work. Do you cosleep? Did you circumcise your son? I DON’T CARE. Do you babywear? Push your kid around in a stroller? Use a leash for your kid at Disneyland? Whatever. Good for you.
When it comes to issues of motherhood, there is one issue I care about: some kids don’t have one. All of these petty wars about the choices of capable, loving mothers is just a lot of white noise to me, Quite honestly, I’m often astonished at the non-essential parenting issues I see moms getting their panties in a wad about. Particularly when there are so many kids in this world not being parented at all.
This is the only mommy war I’ll wage. I’m confident that most mothers are doing the best that they can for their kids, even if their choices are different than mine. I think it’s ridiculous that so much energy is spent on debating largely inconsequential parenting decisions when so very little attention is given to the children who DON’T HAVE PARENTS. Why isn’t this causing outrage? Making magazine covers? Inciting ranty twitter posts?
This is the war I’ll be involved in: We, as a society, are not doing enough to protect at-risk and motherless children, both in our country and globally.
(Because apparently we’re too busy worrying about that kid whose mom gave him formula).
The kind of war I’ll get behind will advocate for kids with bigger issues than a mom who goes to work. Or doesn’t.
I’ll get upset about the fact that LA County’s family court system is so atrocious that they recently allowed press into court hearings for minors, in the hopes that this might finally provide some accountability for social workers who aren’t doing their job. Let me repeat that: social workers are so understaffed and/or screwing up so badly that reporters are allowed into confidential court proceedings in the hopes that it will shape them up.
I’ll be disturbed by the 18-year-olds I regularly see on adoption photolistings who, despite being old enough to live independently, place themselves on national photolistings because they desperately want a mom and a dad in their adult life. Because, in one teen’s words, he "wants to become a member of a permanent family".
I’ll whine about how, when we called our Christian agency about a healthy African American boy from LA county who was in need of a home, we were told that they had no prospective adoptive parents willing to accept a placement of a black child. NOT ONE.
I’ll get my panties in a wad about a system that requires foster children to be placed in an adoptive home for 6 months before terminating parental rights, regardless of an absence of reunification efforts by the birth parents. I’ll be angry about how this scares away prospective adoptive parents, and hurts children by leaving them in a limbo even after years of no contact or even abandonment by their birth family. I’ll rant about how children whose parents have failed them should be made legally freed for adoption AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, so that more people would be willing to step forward and adopt.
I’ll get behind complaining about how the government renames orphans and calls them "wards of the state", and renames orphanages and calls them "group homes", and how we collectively turn a blind eye to the fact that we have hundreds of thousands of children waiting for families in the US.
I’ll be appalled over how many children around the world will age out of orphanages, due to lack of paperwork or other factors that make them ineligible for adoption. I’ll continue posting about the deplorable conditions of third world orphanages, and the developmental challenges that neglected children will face.
I’ll fight for the moms who don’t have access to prenatal care, or for the moms who have to abandon their children because of poverty. I’ll be mad that such inequities exist, and I’ll support organizations that help change it.
The only mommy war I support involves moms banding together to talk about the number of children in our world who are missing out on basic human needs. Security. Love. Affection. Let’s wage a war about that. Not everyone can adopt, but we can all do something. Even if it’s just using our voices for something more productive than personal parenting choices.
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