Road Trip!

I am on a road trip from Phoenix to Indiana with Lanette- she is one of the great blessings and highlights of my life. When you experience something way out of your ordinary routine, you can be sure there is a wonderful rush of insight and revelation in store!

I am reading Right People  Right Place  Right Plan by Jentezen Franklin. Being in the right place is crucial to being the right person and meeting the right people, so you can fulfill the right plan for your life. Here's what grabbed me yesterday..."a geographical change has spiritual promotion in it". What do you make of that? I have moved quite often and have found it to be true - when I was open and watching. That's the trick isn't it? Having your mind and heart in the right place; meaning centered and available to the right people and plan - in an attitude of anticipation and appreciation.

As I write this I know my story is shifting and expanding into new territory. I am committed to being watchful, open, useable. I will keep you posted as I learn. Remember when I wrote about my friend Noel Barto and her beautiful, creative expression of story? If you missed it go back and read the post titled What's Your Story Today?

Here are a couple more of her queries. I am going to ponder and journal them. I encourage you to do the same - even if you are in the "same" geographical spot as you have been for a long time - especially then I think.

 - What am I running toward/from today?
 - Where do I belong today?

We are all sojourners, headed for somewhere. We are  meant to do life together. I am grateful to have you along! Let's make it a trip with purpose, power, and play in it.

Blessings,
Beth

Play to WIN!

Wow! Are you as stunned as I am that we are one week into the final quarter of 2012?!? If you are where you would like to be or have exceeded expectations this year - Congratulations! If you have not accomplished what you had hoped to, there's good news! You still have time to make significant progress. You can rally for a STRONG season with a BIG finish!

I want to help you do just that. I would be honored to help you:

P   You possess tremendous PERSONAL POWER. Are you using it? Come learn to tap into it.

L   LET GO of thoughts of LACK and LIMITATION. Move out of your comfort zone. I will
      support you as you expand your life.

A   Your ATTITUDE determines your altitude. AIM high. Do you know what you ASPIRE to?

Y   YOU - your original, amazing self - aligned with your values, no internal conflict, making
       wise decisions. Want it?


T   What are you TOLERATING?  Discover ways to get unstuck and live each day in JOY.

O   ORDINARY people can to EXTRAORDINARY things with powerful motivation and the
       tools to be successful. We will design a plan for an extraordinary future.


W   WHAT do you really, really WANT?  CLARIFY and CLAIM your passion and dreams.

 I    Do you feel you can trust your INTUITION? Adjust your brain to hear what your heart already
      knows. I will teach you how to LISTEN.

 N   NOW! START wherever you are. One of life's great joys is to BEGIN.

                             Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. 
                                   Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
                                                                                                 - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe -

There is a great lesson in my new book Called Into Motion: Lesson Plans for Life called Finish Strong, about distraction and procrastination getting in your way. Click on the link and get started!
Blessings,
Beth
602.626.8036       beth.madigan@cox.net

Half the Sky

Last night I watched the first part of Half the Sky on PBS. Click on the link to see the episode and read about the project and the remarkable people who put it together and the women whose stories they film.

As a life coach I am constantly amazed at the women I meet - their grace, courage, innate intelligence, perseverance, resilience, faith, and dignity. Half the Sky blew me away! I work with sexually abused and traumatized women. The sad truth is, if you are a female in this world, you are at risk. Tragically and unbelievably, the jeopardy commences at younger and younger ages. A two year old girl was rescued from a brothel in Cambodia. The blood covered clothes looked like they belonged to a doll as we witnessed the horror of them being swept out onto the street.

Lest you think these atrocities only occur in third world countries - think again. There are NO boundaries for this evil. NO lines of geography, race, economics, education, or belief system. I am in awe of the people who dedicate themselves and risk their lives to rescue and serve these girls and women. It is massively important and urgent work.

But, here's what MUST happen to stem the tide of abuse, trauma, exploitation, and murder. We MUST stop the pimps and johns and all who perpetrate this heinous industry. We MUST change societal beliefs that say this is acceptable behavior. We MUST enforce laws against these crimes. We MUST raise the value of human life - all life, but certainly the beauty and value of our precious girls.

If you are reading this thinking you can't really do anything to affect change...here are some things to think about. If you have a negative mindset about "whores" or "prostitutes" as sluts or sex addicts, change it. I used to think they chose that life style; that they wanted it. They don't. Most have been abused as children - far too  many ARE children. The average of entry into "the life" in the U. S. is 13. No girl chooses to be beaten, isolated, imprisoned, or service dozens of men a day. They are tricked, coerced, and broken into "the life".

I spoke to a mother whose 15 y.o. daughter was befriended by her pimp at a local mall. They know how to "groom" these girls to trust them as boyfriends. She was ultimately taken to Florida and calls home occasionally. She is 19 now with two children and such a deep trauma bond to her captor and such a terror of being discovered and beaten, that she won't tell her parents how to find her.

Strip clubs and pornography exploit women. Disengage. Pre-wedding and other parties with inappropriate sexual behavior have become socially acceptable. Rethink.Your sons, grandsons, nephews, students, and neighbor boys must be educated about how to treat girls. They are meant to be protectors and respecters of women. Make this subject acceptable and open dialogue. Only by bringing the dark to the light and ending the demand, will we cease having to rescue girls and women.
Laus Deo,
Beth

Look at Me Now!

Every now and again there is a bit of news that renews our faith, causes us to pump our fists, and begs a loud, "Yes! You GO girl!" Last week's story about demeaned and bullied Whitney Kropp is one of those bright spots in an otherwise dark news cycle.

Whitney was overjoyed to find she had been nominated for the Homecoming Court at her Michigan high school. Her joy turned to pain and humiliation when she realized it was all a malicious prank by some nasty bullies. Feeling like "trash" and convinced no one cared, including her own brother and sister, she decided to just quietly withdraw and fade out. Her sister encouraged her to take a stand, telling her she was strong and courageous and should go all the way with it. Yay for sisters, biological and chosen! A group of "sisters" left their own school game and drove an hour to honor Whitney and stand in solidarity with her. Yes!

Hairstylist Shannon Champagne offered to do her hair. She got a beautiful orange dress - her favorite color. As word got around town, people came out to support her - even purchasing orange t-shirts emblazoned with the words, "It's not cool to be cruel".  Don't you just LOVE this story?!? She was escorted by her dad and grandfather. Oh! This just gets better and better. Men who will stand in the gap as protectors, defenders, and cheerleaders! My heart is singing.

She now has over 100,000 FB fans and her mom said this has empowered many others to speak up and tell their own stories. Another resounding YES! "you were designed by God to live a life of purpose and power. Who you are and what you think matters. The opinions and feelings of others are not one whit more important than yours. Don't let your words get stuck between your brain and your lips where they keep pushing to come out."  Beth Madigan  Called Into Motion: Lesson Plans for Life

Whitney has this to say, "Don't let those bullies bring you down. Go with your heart and your gut. I did it and look at me now." Thanks for your courage and example Whitney!

Whoever you are... Whatever your circumstances - past or present...However you have been treated or spoken to...  You have an important story. Your voice NEEDS to be heard. You matter. You are unique in all the world.

Tell your story to someone safe. If you don't have a safe person, tell me. I would be honored to hear it. Get a copy of the book and work through STUCK and Don't Waste Your Suffering.
Blessings,
Beth

The Space Between Us

Our conversation about sorting things out wouldn't be complete without addressing our friendships. They can be pretty tough to sort out and navigate; tougher still to see them grow, deepen, and flourish in health over the years. Why do you suppose that is? We want them. We're willing to carve out time and put our energy and heart into them. We need them. We long for our friends to "be there" for us when the road gets rough.

In The Friends We Keep, by Sarah Z. Davis, she describes the space that develops - from small sleights, larger hurts, misunderstandings - and grows to potentially friendship-threatening proportions. We are unsure what to do. We wonder if maybe we should do nothing and hope it will get better. Sarah says there is another kind of space between us.

"It is the space we need to save ourselves or even to preserve our relationship. One of the Hebrew words for "salvation" is also used to mean "space". And there are times when that space can save us. Space can give us perspective, time to breathe, time to listen."

She ponders how we can give space to our friendship without the risk it will fade away. After all, we can be uncomfortable with silence. We don't know how to handle space-creating emptiness, disappointment, and loss.

Sarah reminds us that, "Space allows us to grow, and without it we are stifled, our growth stunted. When we grieve we want to rush to feel better so we don't hurt, rather than allow space for that grieving. When things aren't right with another person we care about, we often rush to fill the space, forcing things to surface that are not yet ready...

How do we know what a friend requires? Sometimes we just don't know, even when we've known her through many of life's seasons. Sometimes we don't know what we want for ourselves. Sometimes we get what we need, only to find we don't need it anymore. And anyway, even if we do know what to do for our friend at one time, it may not be that way next time. The point is we can never stop paying attention...There are times in friendship when we need to simply accept what people are able to give. That is part of being a friend. It is necessary to put away the expectations, the goals, the fixing and longing for how it could be, and simply be and allow our friend to do the same."

 - What relationship in your life has some space now - or needs some space now?
 - As you think about this how do you describe the difference between space and distance?
 - Is there another question you need to ask that would take you to the real issue?
 - Where do you need to pay attention? Where have you stopped paying attention?

This is a challenging conversation. Thank you for the courage to share your thoughts!
Please check out my new book Called Into Motion: Lesson Plans for Life for more provocative discussions. Get one for a friend too!
Blessings,
Beth

Sorting It All Out

I had the privilege and great fun of spending time with two groups of amazing women this week. I so appreciate how open and honest you all are, how you share your wisdom and allow me to pass it on.
We talked of mothering for the first time and all the challenges and joys inherent in that. We spoke of the things that bring stress and how we cope, in both healthy and unhealthy ways. We barreled head on into what we fear and how lost we are some days; questioning our competence at even the simplest tasks. We find it hard to concentrate or focus. What in the world happened? We NEVER used to feel like this. Is this a permanent condition? Will we be like crazy, spacey Aunt JoJo now?

We tuned into our hearts and listened to what we are really longing for. We took some time to consider what is most important, what our strengths and abilities are, how we get in our own way, how to express our true selves and lay claim to all that we are.

Underneath all of this wonderful thinking, creating, and sharing is the question, "How am I supposed to do all of this? Really. Seriously. How?"  Isn't this truly at the core of it all? As women we hear, loud and clear, the message that if you are not doing it all you must be slacking. Let's stir the pot with the many conflicting messages that mess with our heads.  Your husband and children come first. Putting yourself first is selfish. Put yourself at the top of the list.  Be sweet. Be assertive. Give people what they ask for. Learn to say NO. Be a stay at home mom. Be productive and have something for yourself. Give your kids constructive, scheduled activities. Just let your kids play. Don't get caught up in looks and appearances. Always look your best. There are more important things than an immaculate house. Your home is a reflection of you. Simplify your life. Keep up or you'll get left behind. That's just a sampling and I'm feeling kind of dizzy. What messes with us is that there is some truth in each. It's what makes it so hard to sort it out.

One woman told me how she turned herself and her day inside out to help her adult kids. She drove many miles, spent time frantically "doing", and in the process frazzled herself, missed an appointment, and discombobulated her work day.  In hindsight she was fully aware that she could have done it differently. She could have adjusted the time by a few hours, completed her obligations at work, and still helped her kids. She wanted to be a good mom and grandma. She wanted to be helpful and generous.  She wanted them to know she is there for them. All good, right? She dove right into what loved ones wanted and requested of her, with no thought - until it was too late - of what it would cost her.

I had a conversation with a woman who is navigating the uncomfortable space of setting boundaries. Honesty and connection are very high value for her. She censored herself in order to avoid having to answer truthfully, should anyone ask about a very private expression of what was on her heart. To do otherwise would be rude wouldn't it? We certainly don't want the OTHER person to feel uncomfortable. Better us than them. Is it okay to hold back a part of ourselves, or are we obligated to tell all just because someone asks? She was able to find a response that felt honest; somewhere between, "None of your business" and sharing things she prefers to keep close.

I can relate to both of these women. I, too, want to be all of those things and can get caught up in wanting to be perceived as a woman who can do it all and has it all together. And not just by others; I want to see MYSELF that way. I just blew my cover. I am extremely relational and want people to feel at ease and safe. I never want to be perceived as closed or rude, and am willing to self disclose. I still stumble over my own boundaries from time to time. My heart knows full well that doing it ALL is ridiculous, that life ebbs and flows, that I do many things extremely well, that I am beautiful, powerful, and enough; but, occasionally my head buys into the message that I am falling short, missing the mark, slacking.


Where does the need to please come from for you? How does it show up?
How do you define success? What constitutes a life well lived?
What are reasonable boundaries? How do you decide and set them?

Please give this some thought and share those thoughts with the rest of us!

Your personal definition of success and what constitutes a life well-lived are the basis of my new book Called Into Motion: Lesson Plans for Life. If you haven't gotten your copy yet click on the book title and order today!
Blessings,
Beth
p.s. Sorting it all can be stressful and confusing. It would be my honor to help you to sort it out and
       gain clarity. Call 602.626.8036 or email beth.madigan@cox.net and let's talk about how
       coaching can propel you to that new place.

Stop "Should-ing" on Yourself

I am WOMAN, hear me roar. I can bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan. That's what I am supposed to do, isn't it? I should take care of my home, my kids, my car, my yard. I should cultivate intimacy, and fun, and romance with my husband - and look good doing it. I should volunteer and be on boards and committees. I should be in great shape and feed my family homemade organic foods. I should be able to problem solve quickly, and handle life's ups and downs. I  should be competent and happy. I should be healthy and strong and not get sick. I should keep busy and not "goof off".  And, I should be generous and gracious at all times, thinking only of others.

This list may seem extreme, but I want to emphasize something here. Moms are racked with guilt and" shoulds" and are doubting and second guessing themselves at every turn. The TODAY show and the Washington Post have recently addressed the issue. A study done at the University of Maryland says that moms are spending more time with their children; up by about 4 hours per week over moms of 40 years ago. This is in spite of that fact that 75% of moms with children under 18 work outside the home at least part-time. There is a lot more pressure on moms to be, do, and have it all - yet, they are making more time for their kids.

Stephen Glenn, author of Developing Capable Young People, has found that families that devote any regularly scheduled time at all - as little as 30 minutes a week with small children and 30 minutes a month with older children - to some activity, tradition, or family ritual, have children who are more self confident, perform better academically, and express more optimism about themselves and the world. These are measurable, demonstrable differences. The findings certainly make a case for creating and implementing family rituals and traditions and we will talk more about that later. The point is, moms, that even small amounts of regular, conscious, loving interaction with your kids pay off big time. There are no perfect mothers - or fathers or children. All the guilt is based on your perception of what "should" be happening and how others, particularly other MOMS, view you.

We all have a voice in our head that provides regular commentary. If that inner self talk is negative and critical, and we allow it to go on, it will grow until we believe it and adopt it as truth.
Try this short exercise:
Stand comfortably, with your hands at your sides. Think your most guilty thought or your biggest "should" - the one that makes you feel really crummy. Notice how your body responds. Pay attention to the position of your head, where your eyes go, your breathing. How does your stomach feel? Are you aware of your heart? Do you feel grounded in your feet and legs? Where are your hands? Just observe.

Now, move two big steps to the right and take a deep breath. Think about what you do really well, something you are proud of and pleased about yourself. Put it into a sentence that begins "I am___"  Make the same observations. What is different? What message does your body send to you? How do you feel when you think this thought?   Repeat as needed; whenever you begin to let guilt and "should" take control. Call one of your best friends and ask her what she values about you and your mothering. Do the same for her and agree to check in with each other on this issue from time to time.

"It's not how much we do but how much love we put into what we do."
                                                                                                 - Mother Teresa -                                          Know that you are more than enough.
Blessings,
Beth

What's Your Story Today?

A couple weeks ago I got to spend an evening with some delightful, creative women. My friend Noel Barto donates her time and energy and amazing creativity to help people express their story. Check out http://www.facebook.com/RagCollection, especially the photos of these people in action! Their tag line is ART + HeART and she has it in spades.

I am not wildly artistic - in the traditional artist kind of way. My thing is words and lots of talking and processing. So there I was, at a paper covered table, surrounded by a plethora of art supplies. The possibilities were literally endless and I was meant to "just express myself" in any way I chose. I think I asked for a tad more direction. Noel handed me a whole page of questions she had formulated for people like me who need words and assignment with their art expression. Oh joy! Oh delight!

I had, in fact, had a pretty profound experience that morning with a group I facilitate. My remarkable MTS ladies - you know who you are! One of the questions was "What was amazing or hard about today?" I chose to express amazing and got to it. With cardboard, glittery flowers and butterflies, markers, images, words, paint, stamps and ink, and three luscious colors of GLITTER, (when was the last time you glittered anything?) I VERY satisfactorily expressed what was amazing about my day - in a way I would never have done without going to art nite. I left with a sense of accomplishment, a deep peace, lovely relaxation, and joy at the company I had kept. I will remember and repeat this process and I encourage you to let your artist flag fly - this week! Don't let the opportunity be postponed and lost.

You know I am big on journaling and its power to transform and give clarity. Writing is always a good option for expressing your story. However, I would like to challenge you to use some other medium and really stretch yourself. Here are a few of Noel's questions to get you started (if you need that sort of nudge) and I will throw out others from time to time to keep your creative pump primed.

What is in my heart today?
Who am I becoming today?
Where do I see beauty today?

Please let us know what came out! Go create!
Blessings,
Beth

Exactly!

After yesterday's post my sister had this video on facebook, saying it was exactly what we were talking about here.
Take a look at this and be uplifted, inspired, challenged, and blessed. This delightful young man, literally shaking in his boots from nerves, moved past all the negative voices (internal and external), took the T off can'T and gave it his all. The epitome of feel the fear and do it anyway! (That is the title of a great book by Susan Jeffers PhD)
You are each a one-of-a-kind genius gift to the world. Just as the judge asked Christopher how in the world he had hidden his remarkable voice for 34 years - don't let it be said of you that you hid your unique, divinely designed, talent and ability from the rest of us. We are waiting for you. We need what you have to offer. Go and SHINE!
Of course, there's a great lesson for that in my new book too - Embrace Your Inner _______!
Get your copy of Called Into Motion: Lesson Plans for Life and start embracing.
What is it you are longing to attempt but fear and negativity get in your way?
Blessings,
Beth
p.s. God Bless all the Nans who are offering unwavering encouragement and belief!

Labels and Expectations

Thank you to all those who have purchased Called Into Motion! I only got a copy in my hands yesterday and it is a kick for sure! I am honored by your interest and appreciate your presence in my life and work.

The posts this week have been based on a conversation between David Gergen, editor of U.S. News and World Report and Dr. Ben Carson, world-renowned neurosurgeon and author of The Big Picture: Getting Perspective on What's Really Important in Life. If you missed Monday or Wednesday, I hope you will take a few minutes to catch up.

Until he was ten years old Dr. Carson's nickname was Dummy. Here's what he says about that. "And one of the interesting things is, when I thought I was stupid, I conducted myself like a stupid person, and therefore I achieved like a stupid person; and when I was smart-- or I was smart all along, obviously-- but when I thought I was smart, I began to conduct myself accordingly and to begin to achieve accordingly." Go back and read that again. Think how this very same thought process has played out in your life, or the life of your child. Maybe not about being smart - how about fat, not athletic, shy, obnoxious, lazy, crazy, perfectionist,....? Or any other characteristic or label that was put on you, by yourself or someone else?

When I speak to groups of parents I use a wonderful video called Animal School. You can view it at www.raisingsmallsouls.com. All the animal parents decided to start a school. All the animal kids would, of course, study the same four courses: Running, Climbing, Swimming, Flying. Duck was great at swimming but only passable at flying and running - and hopeless at climbing. He spent swim class having a tutorial in climbing. Soon he lost his greatness at swimming and was still hopeless at climbing.

Squirrel got an A in climbing but his flying teacher made him start on the ground instead of in the treetops. His legs got so tired from practicing takeoffs all his grades suffered.

The eagle was labeled a "troublemaker" because he insisted on doing every subject his own way.
You get the idea. No two of us are the same. Each one of us is divinely created with a unique set of gifts and abilities. We don't think exactly the same, approach a problem in just the same way, perform or move in the same way, or experience things in precisely the same way as others. We do not have the very same desires, dreams, or goals as another.

When the animal kids had the exact same expectations put on each of them, regardless of design or ability, the whole animal community was negatively impacted. Those kids became "troublemakers", "socially inept", "underachievers", and all manner of negative things - none of it true. What is true is that we will often rise or fall to expectations and labels and the voice in our head.

Malcolm Forbes says, "Too many people overvalue what they are not, and undervalue what they are." Dr. Ben Carson agrees and believes it is one of the critical areas of our society. You are a one-of-a-kind blend of talents, personality, and ingredients not found anywhere else! Be YOU. go and SHINE! Work through the Audit Your Life and Rewrite Your Story lessons in my new book Called Into Motion: Lesson Plans for Life and let me know what you discover!
Blessings,
Beth

Garbage IN Garbage OUT

My new book Called Into Motion: Lesson Plans for Life is available through AuthorHouse.com
I know it will help you think about some important things, ask yourself the right questions, and formulate some answers! Let me know what you think.

Monday I shared some of a fascinating conversation between David Gergen, editor of U.S. News and World Report and Dr. Ben Carson, world-renowned neurosurgeon and author of The Big Picture: Getting Perspective on What's Really Important in Life. If you missed it, it's about the value of hardship and is worth the quick read.

Dr. Carson also talked a lot about his mom - a wonderfully wise woman despite a third grade education. She never embraced a victim mentality, never felt sorry for herself or her boys, never accepted excuses. He remembers her lesson on racism. "...if it comes to something like racism, for instance, my mother used to always say, 'If you walk into an auditorium full of racist, bigoted people," she said, "you don't have a problem. They have a problem.
Because when you walk in, they're going to cringe and wonder if you're going to sit next to them, whereas you can go sit anywhere you want. So let them worry about it if they want to. You don't have to do that.' And, you know, that's the whole concept in terms of the victim's mentality. You either accept it and become a victim, or you deny it and become a victor." Sheer brilliance!

David Gergen asked him what happened between ages 10 and 12, when he went from being the dummy to one of the brightest kids in the class. Here comes some more Mama Carson brilliance!
His mom prayed and asked God for help in raising her boys. (First brilliant step) She limited t.v. to just a few shows a week and required two books, complete with book reports, to fill the extra time.

Lo and behold, he began to enjoy reading. (We have lost the joy and wonder of a library card and limitless choices)

"Because we were desperately poor, never had enough money to do anything, but between the covers of those pages, I could go anywhere in the world, be anybody, do anything.
You know, my imagination began to run wild. I began reading about research chemists, and I could see myself in a laboratory, pouring things from test tubes, the beakers and seeing the foam rising.
And I became excited and began to visualize myself in intellectual capacities, and, you know, within the space of a year and a half, I went from the bottom of the class to the top of the class."

This is loaded! It is about raising expectations, stimulating imagination, fostering interest, encouraging those interests, engaging in discovery conversation, banishing negative labels, and nudging more and greater accomplishments. Andi it is about unplugging...

In my book Called Into Motion I use the computer term GIGO in one of the lessons, Garbage IN Garbage OUT. Words and images have power. The Law of Exposure tells us that our mind will think about what we expose it to. If we fill our minds with vacuous and negative words and images, something less than enthusiasm and brilliance is likely to come out. What are you exposing your mind and heart to that is less than you would like, less than uplifting or worthwhile? Are you willing to change that exposure? Get a copy of the book and work through the lesson. Let me know what you think.
Blessings,
Beth

Adversity and MOTION

  I am thrilled to announce that my new book Called Into Motion : Lesson Plans for Life is available! Read more about it and get your copy at AuthorHouse.com. I would love any and all feedback! Beth

Perusing the Daily Good (Sept. 8 2012), I read a fascinating conversation between David Gergen, editor of U.S. News and World Report and Ben Carson, world-renowned neurosurgeon and author of The Big Picture: Getting Perspective on What's Really Important in Life.
When Dr. Carson's father left the family, he and his mother and brother wound up living in a tenement in Boston - "rats, roaches, gangs, sirens and murders". His classmates and teachers nicknamed him "dummy".

When asked by Gergen what message he has for the young people he speaks to, Carson talks about the loss of the can-do-attitude Americans used to have. He says it has been replaced with a what-can-you-do-for-me? attitude that must change if we are to maintain world prominence in technology and science. He notes that great civilizations and nations of the past "became enamored of lifestyles of the rich and famous, sort of lost their moral compass, and forgot about the things that made them into great nations, and deteriorated."

"You know, the brain can process two million bits of information per second. It remembers everything you've ever seen, everything you've ever heard, and with brains like these, we really shouldn't be wandering around talking about what we can't do; we should be trying to create an atmosphere that helps our young people to realize that, whatever they can imagine, they can achieve."

One of Dr. Carson's basic messages is about hardship - "The thing that I think makes for a successful life is learning how to navigate through those problems, using the appropriate amount of perspective, and making yourself valuable, not only to yourself, but to the people around you. I think that's what true success is all about, and that's my message."

I think Dr. Carson is sending a beautiful and much needed message to our young people. In my new book, Called Into Motion, one of the Lesson Plans is Blessed by Misfortune. We can't choose our circumstances but we can choose how we respond to them. Helping our children (and ourselves) to develop a healthy relationship with trying and failing, and trying again is a great gift. When coaching clients tell me about a challenge or difficulty I encourage them to reframe it. I ask, "How is this also good?" For each of us, if we will allow it to, adversity sharpens and shapes us. How has adversity shaped you - positively or negatively? What are your tools for successfully navigating adversity?
Please share your thoughts. Wednesday I will be sharing more of Dr. Carson's wisdom and brilliance and how he went from "Dummy" to top of his field.
Blessings, 
Beth
p.s. Dr. Carson was appointed head of brain surgery for children at Johns Hopkins University at the age of 33. Today, at 48, he is world renowned in the field of neurosurgery,  separating siamese twins and performing ground breaking brain surgery. Not bad for a dummy...

How's Your Happiness Gene?

Hello! Hope you all had labor-free weekend and got some much needed rest and relaxation. Lots of excitement around here - after much encouragement from so many of you, I got my newsletters into a workbook format that has been published and will be available next week! The title is Called Into Motion...Lesson Plans for Life and I am anxious to have each of you get a copy, make some brave discoveries and changes,  and give me your feedback; particularly after you read today's post...

I read this article on Newsmax Health August 30, 2012. www.newsmaxhealth.com

"Scientists say they've discovered a happiness gene that may explain why women tend to be more chipper than their male counterparts.

It's called MAOMA, or monoamine oxidase A, which, surprisingly, has also been related to negative behaviors like alcoholism, aggressiveness and antisocial behavior, says a team of US scientists.

But in their study, the researchers found that the same, low-activity form of the gene was also associated with higher self-reported happiness in women. Results were published in the journal Progress in Neuro-Psychopharmacology & Biological Psychiatry and released this week. 

Overall, while women experience higher rates of mood and anxiety disorders, they also tend to report greater life happiness than men, the study pointed out.

To investigate why this may be, scientists from the University of South Florida, Columbia University, the National Institutes of Health and the New York State Psychiatric Institute examined the role of MAOA. The gene works by regulating an enzyme which breaks down the brain's ‘feel-good' chemicals like serotonin and dopamine. The low-expression version of MAOA allows larger amounts of these neurotransmitters to stay in the brain and boost mood.

A total of 345 subject participated in the study, of which 193 were women and 152 were men. DNA samples were taken to analyze for MAOA gene variation, and participants were asked to rate their levels of happiness. 

Where the study becomes interesting, however, is that men who carried the same "happy" gene were no more content than those who didn't carry it.

One possible explanation is that testosterone may cancel out the positive effects of the MAOA gene, researchers theorize.

"Maybe men are happier before adolescence because their testosterone levels are lower," surmised lead author Henian Chen.

Meanwhile, authors of another study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies in 2008 found that while women may start out happier in life, men often catch up, overtaking them on the happiness scale during the later stages of life.

The main reason? Unfulfilled life goals, researchers said."

 Certainly, we are aware of the role of hormones in mood and health. Psychologist Erik Erikson developed 8 stages of development from infancy to late adulthood. The stage from (approximately) age 40-64 is Generativity vs. Stagnation and is concerned with life impact and legacy. Does my life matter? Have (or can) I make an impact on society and future generations? Have I been successful and productive? If we don't see our lives in a positive light - if we haven't accomplished the goals we set out to - we tend toward stagnation and a sense of despair.

What do you think? Some questions that come to mind for me:

 - Do men and women use the same internal/thought measures for happiness?

Studies show that married men are more optimistic and live longer than their single counterparts.

 - Do women sacrifice a level of happiness for the man in their lives? If so how?

 - How do societal, personal, religious expectations play into a happiness decline for women?

 - What contributes to greater mood and anxiety disorders, yet overall higher happiness ratings for     

     women?

 - What keeps women from fulfilling their life goals?

 - Does the aging process (physical/biological) affect female happiness differently than men? Come 

    on all you medical people - help us understand this!

Tom Rath and Donal O. Clifton, with Gallup,  developed an assessment of 34 personal strengths that has been given to over 10 million people world-wide. Fewer than one third "strongly agree'" with the statement:

"At work, I have the opportunity to do what I do best every day."

 - How does happiness correlate with work satisfaction?

 - How does happiness correlate with using our innate gifts? Or not using them?

This is kind of a long post, but it is fascinating - and important I think! Please post your thoughts. Let's unpack this a little. Stay tuned for Called Into Motion. Working through the lessons will shed

some light on this for you. I am always available to help you ask the right questions and reach those life goals! Call or e-mail me to explore how coaching can move you in the direction you REALLY want to go.

Blessings,

Beth

The Link Between Quietness and Productivity

I read this today and found it really interesting - as a quiet person myself. What do you think? Post your thoughts and opinions! Enjoy,  Beth

Some of you may have tried to reach me this morning and found that I was unavailable. That’s because I was knee high in muck with my husband and some friends. We were out having what I call clamming wars, here on Cape Cod.
I have to admit, my team was quite vocal everytime we scored a clam, which by my count was many. The other team raked for clams quietly in the distance. You can imagine our surprise when the quiet team hauled in considerably more clams than our team. Who would have thought?
Sometimes we forget that the most productive people in an organization aren’t the ones who make the most noise. In fact, it’s often the quiet ones who out-produce everyone else.
Here are some reasons I think this is so.
Being quiet strengthens focus. It's hard to focus on the task at hand when you yourself are making so much noise. The other team, who participated in the clamming wars, never took their eye off the prize. Our team, on the other hand, did a happy dance in the sand every time we hit pay dirt. In retrospect, this was probably valuable time wasted.
Being quiet calms others. Quiet people have the ability to calm those around them. For example, when everyone is stressing out because it looks like a team isn’t going to meet their deadlines, it’s usually the quiet people who are able to calm people down and carry them over the finish line.
Being quiet conveys confidence. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone when you are confident. You know you do a good job and you believe that eventually others will take notice.
Being quiet means you think before you speak. Quiet people are usually thoughtful thinkers. They think things through before making a statement. Something you probably wish many of your workers would do before taking up your valuable time.
Being quiet gives you the space to dig deep. Quiet people tend to delve into issues and ideas before moving on to new ones. Compare this to the surface people in your organization, who often move onto other matters without giving thought to the gold that may be sitting right below the surface.
The next time you evaluate team performance, be sure to give credit where credit is due. Remember that at the end of the day, it’s not about the noise one makes, but what one actually gets done
 
Guest contributor Roberta Chinsky Matuson is an internationally recognized expert on increasing profitability by maximizing employee contribution. Her website is www.yourhrexperts.com. She is the author of Suddenly in Charge: Managing Up, Managing Down, Succeeding All Around, a Washington Post Top-­5 Leadership pick. Download a free bonus chapter. Her new book, The Magnetic Workplace: How to Hire Top Talent That Will Stick Around will be published in 2013. Sign up to receive a subscription to Roberta’s complimentary newsletter.

A Giant Falls

I am here in Mishawaka, IN, my hometown, with my parents -  in my childhood home. A lot has changed since I left here, but I love the things that are still familiar.

Each morning I head down the hill to the St. Joseph River and walk along the banks between two city parks where I spent many of my early summers. During WWII there was a WPA project here that resulted in beautiful stone work all around the city. One of the projects was in Battell Park. It is a rock garden and waterfall from the top of the hill down to the river's edge. Half way down, on either side, are places to stop and rest that we called "thrones". They, too, are constructed of field stone totally befitting the royalty ensconced there. Kings and queens all...

When we ceremoniously made our way to the bottom - with great pomp and circumstance - a low hop over the wall put us underneath a massive weeping willow. It's branches hid us from view, shaded us, and trailed in the current along the bank. Pure magic.

Last week I was walking on the opposite side of the river when I found myself across from the rock garden. Something was off. It looked strange. Then I realized what it was and tears sprang to my eyes. The giant willow was still there - but it had fallen and was lying on its side in the river. An icon of my childhood had succumbed...to what? Old age? Illness? Nature's laws? Treachery?

I sat awhile, pondering the meaning of it all. It may sound crazy but I know it is important - maybe even profound. Here's what I have so far.
I am here with my parents who are 85 and 91. They are doing pretty well, yet, as hard as it is, I must come to grips with the fact that we are in life's final phase. These giants of my life will not live forever. I have been privileged to rest in their shade and protection for almost six decades. The willow in the water made me stop and realize the depth of that blessing.

Things are not always what they seem. I had walked past the willow just a few weeks before and all seemed well. So...no matter how you appear on the outside, if you are being eaten from within - whether from illness, disease, sadness, fear, anger, shame, secrecy, or bitterness - you will fall. It is only a matter of time. Take care of what you can - now. It would be my honor to help you.

Pay attention. Perhaps the willow fell because the ground beneath it was washed away. Maybe the root system couldn't hold on. What if it just got off balance and reached the proverbial tipping point, when a good pruning could have fixed it?

What comes up for you as you read this account? What would you add to my list? Please take a moment and share your thoughts - whatever they may be. It doesn't have to be about my willow tree. Just listen to the voice that is calling you into motion.

Blessings,
Beth

Vulnerability = Courage

Famed shame researcher Brene Brown is a TED fellow who says vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage and is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change. I agree. Treat yourself to these two short videos!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html

Blessings,
Beth

Words of Wisdom

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered "Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived."

Food for thought this weekend from my friend Kim. Get out your journal for this one!

 

KEEP WATCH

Yesterday on my morning walk I made a horrifying discovery. There is a church nearby with a shady stretch of parking lot where I do lunges. When I got to the back of the lot there was a child's sock and a condom wrapper next to each other. The lot was clean and clear - no other debris around, not even spring droppings from the trees above me. My heart stood still and my body was paralyzed with the "knowing" that a child had been abused and raped. There is an elementary school  a block away...

I picked them up and carried them gingerly home, tears streaming down my face. I called the police, hoping they could do something helpful with the evidence. They were kind but uninterested; the officer attributing my find to the wind we had experienced the day before - despite my insistence that the lot was clear. I called the school and the principal assured me that they stayed abreast of sexual predators in the area and thanked me for my call. I asked him to talk to the teachers, to encourage them to really look at and listen to their kids - to LOOK for the one who has been hurt, who seems distracted or anxious or scared; to watch the one whose work is suffering, to see the one who has become aggressive and angry - and to TALK to them. Give them the space and safety to tell the secret. Keep watch.

I ask the same of each of you. We all have children in our lives in some capacity. Watch them. Create a safe environment and let them know they can trust you to talk about things with them. This epidemic knows no boundaries - it happens everywhere. Keep watch.

I just had a conversation this morning with parents who learned their daughter is using heroin - again. I know a family whose son is facing prison time. I am working with young women who have been raped, beaten,  deceived, and betrayed. Their hearts are broken and their souls are damaged. Addiction, abuse, trauma, slavery, trafficking - young lives are being taken and tossed away like so much trash. Keep watch.

You are in a position to help. You have kind, generous hearts. You have resources and connections. Start with your own circle of influence and just BE a safe haven and a person who is watching and listening; a person who allows yourself to "know" and move on that knowing when it comes.
 Keep watch.

If you are interested, here are some things to read, watch, and act on:
www.mendingthesoul.org  Read Mending the Soul by Steven Tracy - remarkable work!

www.gems-girls.org      Read Girls Like Us by Rachel Lloyd

www.sharedhope.org     Read Renting Lacy by Linda Smith

www.streetlightusa.org

http://www.mercycorps.org/colombia/childsoldiers?akid=1574.205730.6O97av&rd=1&source=E1570&t=6    A beautiful video of healing child soldiers in Columbia

www.ceaseaz.org     Read about the case of cardiologist, Dr. Richard Lewis. It will blow your mind!
He sexually assaulted his patients, many while under anesthesia for surgical procedures! Please sign the petition to see that justice is served for these women at the link below.
http://www.change.org/petitions/the-honorable-judge-thumma-give-dr-richard-lewis-the-maximum-sentence-for-his-sex-crimes

Keep watch,
Beth

LOOK UP!

Last summer I went to family camp in northern Wisconsin with my 13 year old grandson, Jack.  The natural beauty all around us was breathtaking and we enjoyed a magical week together.

The camp was in the woods on a lake - parts of the woods were quite dense. One of our favorite morning activities was to head into the woods, then choose a spot to just sit and listen and BE. Have you ever experienced the coolness, the peace, and the quiet of deep woods? Lovely and serene...

It is an entirely different place at night! The nature director set up a nighttime hike for those brave souls who would.  Families set out together in timed departures to ensure you really were in there with only each other in the dark and quiet (or not so quiet! The critters come out at night!)  The path ahead was marked by distant blue glow sticks hanging from a tree. You could only see one at a time and almost no light was available.

At the outset Jack and I were pretty upbeat and ready for adventure. He scampered ahead of me, teasing Gram about being so tentative. After we passed the first blue glow the path began to take twists and turns and the ground became uneven. The glow seemed to be ahead on the right but we had to go left to get there - sometimes out of view of our only marker. It didn't take long for our excitement to turn to concentration and a little anxiety. I noticed that we were both whispering. We hung pretty close to each other, listening to strange sounds and straining to see the next blue marker.

We got a little disoriented. When you can't really see the ground beneath you, you are unsure of where to put your feet. Both of us laughed nervously as we high stepped over an imagined obstacle in our path or tripped over a tree root completely unseen. We were told the hike would take about a half hour, but we had no idea how long we had been going. We started hoping for the end. In the deepest part of the forest, along with the blue glow stick was a note: "When you are in the darkness, unsure of where to go, stumbling along in uncertainty - know that you are NOT alone. God is with you every step of the way. He is your light, your compass, your safety. Look UP!"

Sure enough, a few steps ahead was an opening in the tree canopy and the summer sky was visible. We had not thought to look up to orient ourselves - although many times along the way there were open spaces where we could have. How often do we miss the markers right in front of us?

The trail ended at the stable. As we got closer we began to recognize the area. We could smell the horses and hear them nickering. We knew EXACTLY how to get home from there. It was familiar and comforting.

There was no talking and laughing around the campfire that night.  Jack and I went down to the lake and sat at the end of the pier, silently processing what we had just felt, learned, and heard in the deepest part of our being.

What darkness has you disoriented?
What obstacle is creating uncertainty and anxiety?
What path marker can you see off in the distance?
What is within you that knows EXACTLY the way home?

Listen. Look around you. Notice what is already in your hand. You are never alone. Look UP!

The war on Mommies - the REAL one

I am reposting Kristen's brilliant insight from www.rageagainsttheminivan.com. Let's all enlist to fight this war!

If you watch the trends of media, whether it be print, internet, or tv, you’ve probably noticed that every couple of months there is a new version of the “mommy war” being played out.  Last month’s battle du jour was surrounding moms who work vs. moms who stay at home. Today, a firestorm has ignited over a provocative photo and article in Time magazine about extended breastfeeding and attachment parenting.  These manufactured mommy wars are predictable because they tend to provoke strong reactions from mothers who feel judged, as well as mothers who want to feel superior for their choices. A litany of analysis, outrage, and defensiveness usually follows. Women tear each other down, while the entity responsible for initiating the battle reaps the benefit (whether it be a hot debate on a talk show or a political playing card).  The insecurities of women surrounding their parenting choices are frequently pawns in the ratings game, and I think the most recent Time magazine article and photo of a preschooler breastfeeding are intended to incite such a reaction.
I don’t much care if you breastfed your kid until they started kindergarten, or if you fed them formula from day one. I don’t really care if you turned your infant car-seat forward-facing prior to age 2, or if you homeschool, or if you send your kids to daycare while you go to work. Do you cosleep? Did you circumcise your son? I DON’T CARE.  Do you babywear? Push your kid around in a stroller? Use a leash for your kid at Disneyland?  Whatever.  Good for you. 
When it comes to issues of motherhood, there is one issue I care about: some kids don’t have one. All of these petty wars about the choices of capable, loving mothers is just a lot of white noise to me, Quite honestly, I’m often astonished at the non-essential parenting issues I see moms getting their panties in a wad about. Particularly when there are so many kids in this world not being parented at all.
This is the only mommy war I’ll wage.  I’m confident that most mothers are doing the best that they can for their kids, even if their choices are different than mine.  I think it’s ridiculous that so much energy is spent on debating largely inconsequential parenting decisions when so very little attention is given to the children who DON’T HAVE PARENTS. Why isn’t this causing outrage?  Making magazine covers? Inciting ranty twitter posts?
This is the war I’ll be involved in: We, as a society, are not doing enough to protect at-risk and motherless children, both in our country and globally. 
(Because apparently we’re too busy worrying about that kid whose mom gave him formula).
The kind of war I’ll get behind will advocate for kids with bigger issues than a mom who goes to work. Or doesn’t.
I’ll get upset about the fact that LA County’s family court system is so atrocious that they recently allowed press into court hearings for minors, in the hopes that this might finally provide some accountability for social workers who aren’t doing their job.  Let me repeat that: social workers are so understaffed and/or screwing up so badly that reporters are allowed into confidential court proceedings in the hopes that it will shape them up.
I’ll be disturbed by the 18-year-olds I regularly see on adoption photolistings who, despite being old enough to live independently, place themselves on national photolistings because they desperately want a mom and a dad in their adult life. Because, in one teen’s words, he "wants to become a member of a permanent family".
I’ll whine about how, when we called our Christian agency about a healthy African American boy from LA county who was in need of a home, we were told that they had no prospective adoptive parents willing to accept a placement of a black child. NOT ONE.
I’ll get my panties in a wad about a system that requires foster children to be placed in an adoptive home for 6 months before terminating parental rights, regardless of an absence of reunification efforts by the birth parents. I’ll be angry about how this scares away prospective adoptive parents, and hurts children by leaving them in a limbo even after years of no contact or even abandonment by their birth family. I’ll rant about how children whose parents have failed them should be made legally freed for adoption AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, so that more people would be willing to step forward and adopt.
I’ll get behind complaining about how the government renames orphans and calls them "wards of the state", and renames orphanages and calls them "group homes", and how we collectively turn a blind eye to the fact that we have hundreds of thousands of children waiting for families in the US.
I’ll be appalled over how many children around the world will age out of orphanages, due to lack of paperwork or other factors that make them ineligible for adoption.  I’ll continue posting about the deplorable conditions of third world orphanages, and the developmental challenges that neglected children will face.
I’ll fight for the moms who don’t have access to prenatal care, or for the moms who have to abandon their children because of poverty.  I’ll be mad that such inequities exist, and I’ll support organizations that help change it.
The only mommy war I support involves moms banding together to talk about the number of children in our world who are missing out on basic human needs. Security. Love. Affection. Let’s wage a war about that.  Not everyone can adopt, but we can all do something. Even if it’s just using our voices for something more productive than personal parenting choices.

Must See

I really do try to save my "MUST SEES" for things that truly warrant it. This is one of those, friends!
If this doesn't make your heart sing...call me ASAP and we will coach you back to life. If this doesn't make you feel grateful for all you have been given, a little guilty for what you gripe about, and a little lazy for how you spend some of your time - well, you know, call me.

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7404678n&tag=api&fb_ref=belowVideo&fb_source=home_oneline

And don't forget the F*REE Journal Workshop! Look right and click for all the info.

The Neurology of Worry

This is a post from life coach Judy Widener at www.myinnerfrontiers.com. We are, indeed, fearfully and wonderfully made. Check out some of your brain processes...

Did you know that chronic stress causes physical changes in the size and activity of many of your brain structures? When they’re swimming in the stress neurochemical cortisol, the prefrontal cortex (the CEO of the brain), and the hippocampus (houses long term memory) actually shrink in size.
Other parts, like the amygdala, swell when they’re over-stimulated. The result is an overactive stress response and impaired memory and reduced ability to plan and act. Sound a little like you? 

Is it comforting to know that there’s a concrete physical cause for this experience? On the other hand, there’s a downside to knowing that your thoughts are causing the shrinkage. Unless you do something about it, your brain will keep shrinking. Numerous studies have linked dementia with reduction in brain mass.
Neurologically speaking, worry is the emotional by-product of your amygdala activating the flight response. In previous posts, you learned that the amygdala recalls scary past events. Here’s the neurological cause for that distraction.
The two sides, or hemispheres, of your brain are separated by and communicate with each other via a bundle of neurons called the corpus callosum. 

In each side of your brain, there are specific structures that process individual aspects of your experience: what you hear, smell, touch, feel, remember, and more. When the two sides of your brain communicate with each other, you coalesce these tiny pieces into a whole experience.
However, sometimes, information from the right hemisphere can’t make it over to the left hemisphere (researchers are still trying to figure out why this happens). To account for this absence, the left hemisphere starts to look for stories.
This search is stressful, which spawns worry. Cue the amygdala! And the scary stories get rolling.

There are several steps along the stress response route where you can pause the old pattern of reaction and create a new way of responding to potentially stressful situations. Let’s start with the first step in your stress response.
How you respond in any given situation begins with your appraisal of it. Your level of ongoing stress will dictate which aspects of the situation you focus on, and how strong a negative reaction you have to them. Most people have at least a low to moderate level of stress simmering all the time, which predisposes them to negative future appraisals. 

In other words, your present level of stress, worry or anxiety becomes your amygdala’s filter for your next experience. With every unexpected turn of events, your amygdala will focus on any threats you perceive: this situation is dangerous, difficult, painful or unfair.
In this mindset, there’s only one possible type of outcome: negative. And you won’t think you have the resources that would give you more, or better options. 

Giving yourself more options is what researchers call flexible thinking. The more flexible you can be, the less stress you’ll feel. When you’re feeling stressed, flexibility feels impossible for two reasons.
First, since you’re doubtful that things could go well, trying to think of more options only conjures up more negative outcomes. Not helpful.
Second, stress limits your ability to attend to all of the details about what’s happening in this situation, so opportunities to get what you want won’t even hit your radar. 

When you choose opportunity over difficult (or dangerous), your amygdala sleeps. Worry and stress are avoided. You give yourself the option to experience the same situation as an opportunity to learn, grow, express yourself fully and engage with others. You can focus your thoughts on using your resources to make wise choices and influence events in a positive way.

Be a Beginner

"You can learn new things at any time in your life if you’re willing to be a beginner. If you actually learn to like being a beginner, the whole world opens up to you."
-Barbara Sher

Remember when you were young and everything was new and exciting? When you couldn't wait to learn and understand? When was the last time something grabbed your attention that way? We live in a world of information. It comes at us 24/7 from dozens of sources. I've seen the commercial for a fast phone - "That was so 24 seconds ago." Obviously, it is to advertise the speed - but isn't that sometimes our attitude? We already know that. There's nothing new there. We've seen it, done it, got it.

We are missing the simple joy of simply BEING - of observing, taking it in, letting it just simmer. Nothing is required. We don't have to DO anything. There are no screens to watch, no buttons to push, no links to travel next. This weekend try a simple exercise. Get outside somewhere and just experience and observe whatever is going on around you. Don't overthink it or talk about it - simply take it in. Notice whatever comes to mind. If your mind wanders away simply bring it back. Let us know what you discover.

Is there something new you are interested in? Try learning from that child like place of new and exciting. What do you need to let go of to get there? We hear the Zen concept of emptying your cup. The Bible talks about not putting new wine into old wine skins. What do you need to empty out in order to take in something new? How can you shift your mindset from already knowing, to anxiously anticipating brand new thoughts, creativity, and possibilities?

Have you noticed the abundant use of the words "new" and "simply"?  They are the recipe for a shift, a direction change, and mind-opening thoughts and experiences. Start at the beginning, with a beginner's mind, and the whole world will open up to you.

Laus Deo,
Beth

YOU! The CEO

So much verbiage flying around about women and what constitutes "work" this week! I wrote this post awhile ago - seems quite relevant now. Looking forward to your thoughts. Please post them!

Don't forget the F*REE Journal Workshop on May 3. Look to your right and click on it for more info. Grab a friend or two and sign up - all from home in your jammies!

I had the wonderful privilege and opportunity to spend time with a group of brilliant, high-powered executive coaches AND a group of brilliant, dedicated, talented MOMS.  I'm writing for moms, but I LOVE dads and this is for them too.

Time now for some self-disclosure. Sometimes, when I am in the presence of executive and business coaches I get a little intimidated. I don't understand the complexities of creating and building business organizations (hold that thought), don't understand the lingo, don't wear the power suit, and don't command the big bucks. Don't we sometimes do that as moms too? If we are "just" SAHMs there is some question about our productivity, our contribution. What DO we do all day? If we are moms who also work outside our homes, there is some question about our effectiveness and priorities. Can we really do it all - and do any of it really well? Do we occasionally let someone make us feel "less than"?  No more! It's all over but the SHINING and BUSTING in PRIDE!

Your family is an organization. It is the most IMPORTANT organization on earth. It is complex, ever changing, demanding, rewarding, challenging, and contributes to the well-being of every single human on this planet. No, that is NOT an exaggeration. Every one of us came from some kind of family organization and it helped to define who each one of us has become. That, in turn, has played out in the state of our world today. Look around. If you need suggestions, try looking in Washington D.C. and Los Angeles. You can tell who was groomed, trained, and molded in which kind of organization.

We know that 40-60% of start up companies will fold. We know that 50% of families will collapse. The success of any organization depends on the strength and integrity of the management. The top is where culture is set, priorities are decided, values are cemented, and operating procedures are put into place.

The executive coach group discussed internal vs. external coaching, ROI (return on investment) and how to measure it, and 360 evaluations. My amazing job is to help moms (and dads) to become focused, solid internal coaches and managers. YOU are on the inside, fully invested, watchful, honest, intimately acquainted with every person, and committed with every fiber of your being to the success of your organization and its members.

The 360-degree evaluation is a mechanism for evaluating someone's performance based on feedback from everyone with whom the individual comes in contact-supervisors, coworkers, partners, subordinates, the general public. This type of feedback helps employees see themselves as others see them and allows them to seriously examine their behavior. The 360-degree evaluation will help employees identify their strengths so they can build on them at the same time it addresses their skill gaps. It is a process that leads to continuous learning, team building, growing self-confidence and improved productivity.

 -Is your organization committed to continuous learning?
 - Does your organization see the value of developing leaders in-house?
 - Are you willing to make the changes necessary to do this?
 - What is the level of trust in your organization?
 - Will your culture support honest feedback?
 - Is upper level management willing to lead the way and volunteer for 360- degree evaluation?

The Missouri Small Business Development website (the source of this information) likens this evaluation tool to the owl which has a 270 degree range of motion for turning its head. I love it! The owl must constantly be looking for opportunities and threats. She must gather information from all directions to get a complete read on her environment and what she must to do to survive. Put this in any business language or venue you want - this is a great MOM!

Look at the description of a 360 eval. It's brilliant in a family! All for one and for all, speak the truth in love, encourage each other, help capitalize on strengths and compensate for skill gaps, always growing and learning, a safe place to become all that you can be, and accountability. Giving feed back and helping your kids to accept and evaluate feedback is crucial to a healthy organization. Honest, direct conversations with them about what a coach, teacher, or friend has to say gives them tools they can't get anywhere else.

What's the ROI moms?  We can do quantitative measures. How many times this week did everyone get out the door without crying, arguing, or being late? How many times this month did you refrain from raising your voice or using sarcasm? These are important. Setting boundaries and expectations and measuring them is vital for the operation of every organization. For example, if Johnny hands in all homework assignments for the grading period, he will earn an evening of pizza and bowling with two friends. It reinforces the value your family places on education, it requires task completion and time management, honesty and accountability are emphasized, and the satisfaction of a job well done and a reward earned are inherent in this one event.

How about qualitative measures? When you have the first civil discussion in a month with your teenager and it is sealed with a hug and a "Thanks mom". When you watch your daughter consciously include a "fringe" kid in the game. When you see your kids sacrifice their time, money, and possessions in the service of someone else. When you spend an entire day together as a family and genuinely enjoy each others company. When you hear your kids using your very language in conversations with friends - language that defines who you are as an organization - a family. "Oh yeah, we always visit the nursing home on Valentine's Day." Priceless!

 What you do is of the utmost importance - in fact, it has never been more so. Our world stands at the brink and our kids will determine whether we slide over or pull back and stand in strength and integrity.

YOU are raising World Changers!
 
You are the CEO of an organization that will
CHANGE the WORLD!

I stand with you and am ready to coach you and your organization to the top.
Blessings,
Beth

STRESS AND DISTRESS

What is your stress level these days? Are you aware of the stress in your life? Very often, we experience stress symptoms, but simply attribute them to "life". Before you read the blog post take this quick assessment on the website. Did you know that one of the benefits of journaling is lowered stress levels?  Happy Day - scroll down for a F*REE journal workshop!

We’ve all heard the term “stress management”. Stress comes from many sources and takes many forms and it DOES impact us. No matter how organized, flexible, or laid back we are, sooner or later we get stressed. Life happens - but we can learn some effective ways to cope with the stressors in our lives.

Stress is both good and bad. Good stress can excite and motivate us. It keeps us engaged in the world. We know we get bored when stress levels are too low and nothing much is required of us. A task or an event can cause some anxiety, that jumpy feeling in our stomach, and keep us awake at night – but it can also sharpen our thinking and boost our energy. We get fired up! We love the challenge!

 The bad stress is the kind that causes distress and includes three components: the things that cause distress, like danger or illness; the internal negative feelings, such as worry, anger, depression; and the physical or biological changes, including increased heart and respiration rates, headaches, or stomach upset. When stress levels are too high for too long it becomes distress; emotional and physical damage begins to occur. Our goal is to find the right level of energizing stress and avoid disabling distress. A place to begin is to see distress as a signal to change our thinking or behavior – to realize that our responses are not serving us.

Have you heard the phrase “Change your thinking, change your life”?  It contains much truth. No circumstance or event has meaning until we make an interpretation and attach meaning. Stress does not exist outside of you. It happens inside your mind and body and you are completely in charge of your stress level. We can’t choose our circumstances, but we can choose our response to them and prevent becoming distressed. Remember, circumstances change and this, too, shall pass.

We know that chronic, intense stress causes emotional and physical damage. There is evidence that it also shrinks our brain. In rat studies conducted by Dr. Bruce McEwen at Rockefeller University in NYC, chronic stress diminished the number of neurons in the prefrontal cortex – the part of the brain associated with attention and decision making. It could mean the same for us humans, changing the way our brains work and look, costing us some mental flexibility and agility. The good news is that the changes can be reversed. I believe that God designed our bodies to heal when we give them the right environment, including rest, exercise, good nutrition, meaningful work, love, and laughter.

Aerobic exercise has been shown to reverse the effects of aging on our memory and thinking speed. A study at the University of Illinois showed an increase in the number of neurons in the brain and the connections between those neurons in participants who exercised three times per week. Other benefits of regular,  heart pumping exercise include fewer and less severe illnesses, better balance, faster reaction times, and REDUCED STRESS! Don’t you just LOVE how God designed us so life weaves and connects us to each other and provides the answers?

  

Research suggests that shorter, more frequent prayer and meditation times can rewire your brain for greater happiness, compassion, and gratitude. Simply whisper, "Thank you" during your day.

Get out and play! Take your kids and run, jump, fly a kite, swing, jog, bike, throw a ball, swing a bat, have a picnic, and laugh until you fall down and your sides stitch and your face aches. Then hug and hug some more!

Blessings,

Beth

F*REE JOURNAL WORKSHOP

Have you been thinking about journaling? Would you like to be a more consistent journaler? Do you get stuck when you start to write? Come fire your imagination and creativity. Take a F*REE mini- sabbatical and see what magical things can come in just two hours of uninterrupted time for YOU.

In this workshop you will:
 - Discover the benefits and power of journaling. Did you know it reduces stress?
 - Get quiet and still.  Quiet the monkey mind chatter. Ahhhh!
 - Engage in a meditation to prepare you to write. Just let your mind drift - no   agenda or time     constraints
 - Learn a wonderful technique for discovering what's most important to explore and write about.
 - Do some journaling!
 - Receive a worksheet and suggestions to keep you going
We will take our mini sabbatical via telephone. If you have not done this before no worries - it is easy and fun. You can curl up in your favorite quiet spot with your journal, a cup of tea, and you can do it in your sweats or jammies!

I am offering TWO workshops so you can ALL participate -  no matter your time zone!
Thursday May 3, 2012  from  7-9 pm Pacific and Mountain

Thursday May 3, 2012 from 7-9  Eastern (that's 6-8 for you Central people)
There are a limited number of spaces on the bridge line so call 602.626.8036 or e-mail beth.madigan@cox.net today to reserve your space.

"I want to write but more than that
I want to bring out all kinds of things
that lie buried in my heart."
- Anne Frank -

No Limits

If you have not seen or heard Nick Vujicic you are in for a treat. If you have, he is ALWAYS worth a repeat. He is a remarkable specimen of courage, faith, humor, gratitude, and a NO LIMIT mentality!
http://www.wimp.com/watchingthis/
Enjoy! Then do a personal inventory. Express gratitude. Do something for someone else. Scatter JOY!
Laus Deo,
Beth

Snapshot Cheap Shot

I was listening to Graham Cooke and was convicted by what I heard. What follows is my synopsis of his talk with some of my own thoughts thrown in.

A snapshot is a sudden perspective, an abrupt view. Snapshots are often unflattering and untrue. Haven't you experienced this? From both sides of the camera? The moment captured is not about WHO you are or your TRUE intent. A snapshot can become a cheap shot when we take a momentary glimpse of a person and make an interpretation or judgment.

A literal snapshot is a metaphor for how we see people in life. On any given day in any given moment, we are assessing and judging the person in front of us. What if we were to dispense with how a person looks or is behaving, and instead looked through the eyes of our heart? I am not suggesting we ignore what someone is saying and doing - I am saying don't start and stop there. What if we took a moment to ask, "God, how do YOU see this person?" What if we looked beyond the immediate and looked and listened beneath?

We often hear about the importance of first impressions. What's your success rate? Haven't you been wrong? They're snapshots. And who are you that someone would want to impress you, anyway? In that moment on that day...Let's just say that practicing humility is good.

Believe the best of people and speak to THAT; speak to the beauty and capacity that is possible in each of us. Allow each other the space and grace to become better! Give people the power to BE. Show them the place to step into. Our words have power and what we speak to emerges.

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue..." - Proverbs 18:21 The Bible -

Blessings,
Beth

Find No Enemy

I, like you, are heartbroken, distressed, and calling for answers and justice this week. That a child walking from the store with skittles and tea could be gunned down for ANY reason, in ANY city in this country, is appalling. I don't know what happened. I do know that when I heard the 911 call I was convinced that the person yelling was not being aggressive - he was pleading and terrified. Now I hear that the voice has been identified as Zimmerman's, not Martin's. A thorough investigation is certainly called for. And another issue has got my attention.

AP writer Jesse Washington wrote about the Black Male Code, and that in the wake of Trayvon's murder, he was compelled to explain it to his son - all too early in his opinion.

"As I explained it, the Code goes like this: Always pay close attention to your surroundings, son, especially if you are in an affluent neighborhood where black folks are few. Understand that even though you are not a criminal, some people might assume you are, especially if you are wearing certain clothes.

Never argue with police, but protect your dignity and take pride in humility. When confronted by someone with a badge or a gun, do not flee, fight, or put your hands anywhere other than up.

Please don’t assume, son, that all white people view you as a threat. America is better than that. Suspicion and bitterness can imprison you. But as a black male, you must go above and beyond to show strangers what type of person you really are."

I love this - except for the father's need to relate his advice to skin color. That saddens me for all of us. These are good words! Let me first say that as a single, middle-aged woman,(who has been attacked) I am wary and watchful of ANY man (or male bigger than me) who is coming at me hunkered down in a hood - I don't care what color he is, or what neighborhood, state, or country he is from.

"Protect your dignity and take pride in humility"...Brilliant! Yes and amen! Right or wrong we are judged by our appearance, demeanor, and behavior. It's common sense not to get too distracted by friends or activities; to look around and be aware of your surroundings and what is happening around you at all times. Don't argue with police or other accepted authority figures. Be respectful - assertive but not aggressive.

Young people congregating in a parking lot or park, etc. will be viewed with suspicion; suspicion of drugs, vandalism, rowdiness, or just general nuisance. It just is. Prove yourself trustworthy and above suspicion. Show people "what kind of person you really are."

When oh when will we get past skin color or ethnicity? Every one of us is made in the image of Almighty God. Every one of us is beautiful, valuable, and gifted. My prayer is that we begin to live as if it is SO.

"Just to me it all seems like insanity. Why must I rob you of your humanity to feel good about mine...
The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy."
-Akala- "Double Talk"
Laus Deo,
Beth